Sunday, July 18, 2010

Perhaps I'll be back...

I stopped blogging, recording experience etc. for a while and then began keeping a "personal journal" or "magickal diary" last year in November. I've actually been writing in that darn thing this whole time... and I mean relatively well updated, when "real life" gets too intense I won't even have enough gumption/percieved time/care to record those time spans, so there have been some gaps in the written time-line of the journal.
I wanted to start writing on a blog again tonight for some reason, perhaps it's because I've de-activated my Facebook account and I want to just type my thoughts out to the Internet in general instead of my "friends" that also have FB accounts.
When I write in my journal I sometimes feel it's a blog that only "G-d" and myself can read and reflect upon instead of the numerous tulpas that exist in my day-to-day.
I question the extent of experience the tulpas are attuned to that exist in my experience, and my own tulpahood. Tulpas can be tricky, especially humans and myself! They can seem to understand things, use words that outwardly appear understanding, but I myself have feigned understanding in order to "save face" or, more commonly, keep conversation flowing in a way that I feel is beautiful and uninhibited.

I don't know if I am fishing for something here, or if I just want to try typing, or maybe it's the two beers I just downed that's creating this desire that I am acting upon here.

I've been thinking of the concept of negative and positive zero. That may seem extremely silly to a person who thinks of numbers as merely quantities (number line thinkers), what else is zero besides zero?! It's nothing right? Therefore it's impossible to have a negative or positive aspect to that number. But to the fool that has readeth'd and understood it not, zero is a very real thing in the universe that can become + or -. There seems to be different types of zero, just as there are different types of infinities. Infinite whole numbers, infinite digits to the right of the decimal of pie or 1/3, infinite recursion, infinite fractals, infinite loops...
Zero in a moment, +infinity + -infinity = 0. But what if we are more focused on the +infinity we may forget about our precious, and most necessary -infinity and the observer creates the property of observing a +0 experience, the opposite (as always!) is also true and holds. Illusion, maya, etc is true and it's this carefully perceived imbalance that seems to generate the (un)changing, (un)predictable experience that we are going through in our day-to-day.
Maybe the secret isn't all that secret, it's just the blatant nature of the interactions of the infinities and our "Malcom in the middle" status experiencing the thing.
What a subtle, genuinely amazing universe we are participating in.

"I knew it, then I had it, then... RAW WHORE KA-HOOEY!"

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