Friday, November 12, 2010


I was amazed by this record, this is on the christmas list! ;)
MATRIXSYNTH: Raga Bhairav - 1982 - SYNTHESIZING: TEN RAGAS TO A...: "YouTube via bombayconnection. via Derek on Facebook ' CHARANJIT SINGH - Synthesizing: TEN RAGAS TO A DISCO BEAT -..."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Analyze writing for author's gender

Wow, it knew I was made out of boy parts!
Genre: Informal
Female = 807
Male = 926
Difference = 119; 53.43%
Verdict: Weak MALE

Weak emphasis could indicate European.

Paste a 300+ word writing sample to analyze, very interesting!

As a scientist of apophenia (Apopheniologist), oh I really like that one, that's my new occupation. Apopheniologist!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Circuit bent stuff...

So I circuit bent a talking whiz kid plus with magnetic reed switches.



Will update with pictures and stuff later perhaps?


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Friday, October 15, 2010


Network: Money Speech

The movie boring, although this was my favorite part.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Just started reading it today, free download, good.
"I work for the betterment of
everybody, not just some narrowly defined national interest, Pam. It's the agalmic future. You're still locked
into a pre-singularity economic model that thinks in terms of scarcity. Resource allocation isn't a problem
anymore - it's going to be over within a decade. The cosmos is flat in all directions, and we can borrow as
much bandwidth as we need from the first universal bank of entropy! They even found signs of smart matter -
MACHOs, big brown dwarfs in the galactic halo, leaking radiation in the long infrared - suspiciously high
entropy leakage. The latest figures say something like seventy percent of the baryonic mass of the M31 galaxy
was in computronium, two-point-nine million years ago, when the photons we're seeing now set out. The
intelligence gap between us and the aliens is a probably about a trillion times bigger than the gap between us
and a nematode worm. Do you have any idea what that means?"
Pamela nibbles at a slice of crispbread, then graces him with a slow, carnivorous stare. "I don't care: It's too
far away to have any influence on us, isn't it? It doesn't matter whether I believe in that singularity you keep
chasing, or your aliens a thousand light-years away. It's a chimera, like Y2K, and while you're running after it,
you aren't helping reduce the budget deficit or sire a family, and that's what I care about. And before you say I
only care about it because that's the way I'm programmed, I want you to ask just how dumb you think I am.
Bayes' Theorem says I'm right, and you know it."


ER-1 and Evolver into a tape recorder, then the tape was recorded to audacity and LAME encoded into 128kbs mp3:

Monday, October 11, 2010

Gödel's Theorem: The Very End of the Proof

Explanation of the theorem

What Now?
If you followed all that, you can now say with reasonable confidence that you "understand Gödel's theorem." That is, you understand why no formal mathematical system can ever hope to represent all statements about natural numbers.

As I see it, there are three directions you can go from here. The first direction is down, to a more mathematical level. The explanation I have given is very "high-level," and would not satisfy a real mathematician for an instant. By learning more about the math involved, you can work the proof to ever finer levels of detail, and make it ever more rigorous and bullet-proof.

The other way to go is up, to a more philosophical level. There are many people who believe that the human mind, based on neurons and physical principles, is just a very sophisticated formal system. Does Gödel's theorem imply the existence of facts that must be true, but that our minds can never prove? Or even stronger, that our minds can never believe—or strongest yet, ever conceive?

The third direction you can go is sideways, to lunch. Who wants to spend his whole life worrying about abstract mathematical theorems?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

All the parts are coming together...

4ga lead wire, SCR, 3 main capacitors (there are probably going to be 5 of those guys on the final machine), the Cockcroft-Walten voltage multiplier, the wooden main coil frame.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Walter-Cronkite voltage multiplier

Put this together today:

Charged some of the 'lytics that'll be used in the TMS machine.......

Thursday, October 7, 2010

FOOD! Scotch eggs and BONUS COOKIES!

Here are the scotch eggs I made today, I saw a picture of them on the internet and was amazed by the beauty of the beast. So I finally made my way to New Frontiers, got some habenero pork sausage and breadcrumbs (the Japanese kind whatever they're called) and made these yum yums up. I only ate half of one, it was really good!
Here are the bonus cookies I baked a couple weeks ago:

Catch 'em all

This is a pretty good diagram of what to do to in order to balance all your treatments.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Beautiful lamp find at goodwill

She's a beaut ain't she? 3.99 at goodwill, has 2 brightnesses. I just love the simple stainless steel design and it's petite size! :)

60. Sly Enemy

The foe of happiness is not malicious people or frustrating circumstances. It is a sly enemy unseen by millions of its victims. The cunning foe is your own unseen reactions. You are unaware of your hundreds of daily mechanical reactions, and so remain under their pounding punishment. If you knew you were hurting yourself with useless guilt or envy would you allow them? Never. So make your reactions conscious, which changes them from punishing to pleasing.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Homebrew TMS Coil

used the thickest flat magnet wire from ElectroMechanicsOnline.
It's difficult to get a nice round coil because the wire is so hard to form, I used a wooden dowel with a hole drilled in the middle to create a form to wind a flat coil.

Monday, October 4, 2010

SCRs for the TMS machine

Received these C398 SCRs in the mail today. This TMS machine might actually come together :D

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Hyperpolematic intertension quasimeditation

It's the third of October, I'm being smeared like the spider I crushed with that book earlier in my life, it's becoming obvious that It's being spread very thin, constituting the wars and your history that you attach your corporeal self to. And mine, my symbols are tied back to each other and the source of truth.
Your fear mongering brain washing seems to be working on various key holes, indeed Mr.Brainwasher and they are carrying out your dirty deeds, thinking they are their own deeds. I can't serve more than one master Brainwasher, so I leave you and I take my scrub brush and powered nuero soap and wash my own brain, I hope you don't need to 'get physical' if so the compass and level will invert positions and the truth will become lies and the lies truth, the washing will become dirt and filth and the filth will become cleanly once again as it was in the garden before you had your way with her.
I had a dream last night, I was talking to my friend about a book, then we had a telepathic communication and I understood the value of keys. But a similar situation happened "in real life", so what it be? Then I believe I made out with a black girl, I don't remember much else besides the fact that I felt as though it happened in Pete's house, although it was different.
Today I ran across a garage sale that had some really good books. Johnathan livingston seagull and Illusions as well as CG Jung's man and his symbols, hard cover, full color... I picked that one up for $4.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Simulated my TMS design!

After many hours of work last night/today, I've finally successfully simulated a monophasic TMS design in LTSpice.
Just need to get the capacitors and diodes for the voltage multiplier circuit and some heavy wire for the TMS coil and we can begin experimentation soon enough!

Pokemon Apokelypse

Friday, September 24, 2010

Todd Murphy Brain Lecture

He looks like Weird Al

It's the Harvest moon

... and I feel like I might feel like the main character in "A Confederacy of Dunces", even though I haven't read the book, I had a flash of future/past insight. Whatever that is...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

lol @ "positive thinking" but not postive thinking

Great section made me laugh a bit in this book... "Journey into Light" - Ann Ray
I have been associated with groups of people who practiced "positive thinking". The friends I made were nice pleasant people but they seemed to lack some vital force and when I was with them, I always had a strong urge to say the most negative things I could think of. The emphasis on the positive was accentuated in some of the people, including the minister of their church, by an offshoot course from the original Silva Mind Control, where one is trained to go into light trance and re-program thinking into positive channels. The pressure of negative energy, undealt with, then built up and built up and this was especially true of the minister, whose emotional life split off from his spiritual philosophy. Finally his private life erupted into public view with shady financial dealings in the church budget, power plays on the church board of directors, an affair that hurt and embarrassed his model wife and led to divorce, plus pandemonium in the church itself, which lasted for weeks, including a Sunday morning service with a new interim minister (a lady). The old minister rushed to the podium, shoved her aside, grabbed the microphone, and asked the congregation to follow him to another church. This very emotional plea split the congregation down the middle and, forgetting all about positive thinking, they began to bicker and to each other down and the devotional spirit vanished from the church.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


It's just like Go

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I am presented with itemized lists of experience that flow down and down, make me question my consciousness, I sleep and I rest, then I wake up to this list killing me slowly and painfully and I hate it, but then I see love of life on the horizon of the list, heading towards me like a Mack truck... but I see, that as soon as it hits me the love of life won't be there any more and I will spend the rest of eternity trying to find that truck to run me over, to make me love once again but it won't be there, and it will leave me in the desert again, groping for that bliss that became me once. And with each grope I drop one of many things that I stole, and the angels pick it up and take it back to heaven or the devil's fill their bellies and digest it back again to shit all over me.

Music and Life - Alan Watts

This is perfect, I was talking to black Chris at the bar one night and he sounded similar to Alan Watts in this speech, animation done by south park folks:

Monday, September 20, 2010

You're beautiful

I knew you, I knew you
Oh mother, I knew you

And here we are today
With the needle in the groove
Going towards the black lips that kiss

Old gentlemen sigh softly and whisper "Damn" to one another as they pass themselves in the street dressed as a fine young woman with subtle skin and perky breasts.

When will this end, I tire. What force has called me forth from the great rest, the great abstinence?

Tell me ancient once, o secret masters give me a reason... not to answer why, but to answer... am I gay?

To try, or not to try

Watt: What's the story: "Don't Try"? Is it from that piece he wrote?

Linda: See those big volumes of books? [Points to bookshelf] They're called Who's Who In America. It's everybody, artists, scientists, whatever. So he was in there and they asked him to do a little thing about the books he's written and duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. At the very end they say, is there anything you wanna say, you know, what is your philosophy of life, and some people would write a huge long thing. A dissertation, and some people would just go on and on. And Hank just put, "Don't Try." Now, for you, what do you think that means?

Watt: Well for me it always meant like be natural.

Linda: Yeah, yeah.

Watt: Not like...being lazy!

Linda: Yeah, I get so many different ideas from people that don't understand what that means. Well, "Don't Try? Just be a slacker? lay back?" And I'm no! Don't try, do. Because if you're spending your time trying something, you're not doing it..."DON'T TRY."

Yoda: "Do, or do not, there is no try"

Akron Family - Ed is a Portal
Ed is a portal
Ed is a portal
And damned if we don't try

Reset! - If we try
{the love anthem}
Some great electronic dance tracks

55. Artificial Hell

Another freedom from a life of hell exercise for this week.
Ever notice the multitude of tragic scenes that play in the theater of your mind? You run scenes of getting hurt in flight, of falling into public disgrace, of being jeered by your enemies. Stop attending these imaginary performances. Do not be caught unaware. If one sneaks up on your exclaim, "It tricked me again! Well, I'll be more alert." Snap the scene. Refuse the sinister show. Just as you can fall asleep you can fall awake.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Late Howard Exercise... 46. Permanent Power

Forgot to post the "Freedom from a Life of Hell" exercise on Monday, well here it is:

Weakness can never be happy. Real happiness and real strength go together. So seek true power, for it rescues you from every human hell. Think about strength, but do not think it can be found anywhere in exterior life. You can't find power in friends or money any more than you can find a peach in an apple orchard. Real strength is inner and personal. Memorize that sentence. Emphasize inner and personal. You will never again tremble before anyone.

Bold is all mine, all mine!

Great Heinlein quote

Happiness lies in being privileged to work hard for long hours in doing whatever you think is worth doing. One man may find happiness in supporting a wife and children. And another may find it in robbing banks. Still another may labor mightily for years in pursuing pure research with no discernible results.

Note the individual and subjective nature of each case. No two are alike and there is no reason to expect them to be. Each man or woman must find for himself or herself that occupation in which hard work and long hours make him or her happy. Contrariwise, if you are looking for shorter hours and longer vacations and early retirement, you are in the wrong job. Perhaps you need to take up bank robbing. Or geeking in a sideshow. Or even politics.

Source: Jubal Harshaw in To Sail Beyond the Sunset

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The normal becomes amazing

How the simple act of breathing can become the most amazing thing to occur in the universe:

yes, right there.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


I gotta get back to prison in time or else I'll be in trouble and be sent to prison.

I drink half a bottle of wine

And I still feel like everyone is a lying, single-body, from the central point that just shines and doesn't care for the devil's feelings at all.

How sad.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Read Kafka's Metamorphosis today, found this to be visual on many dimensions of thought:

"And supported by the two women, he rose haltingly to his feet as if he himself were his greatest burden and allowed the women to steer him to the door, where he shrugged them off and laboured alone, while the mother dropped her sewing and the sister her pen to run after him and aid him further." - Kafka, Metamorphosis talking about 'the Father'

good quote from the internet:
"Like I said before, if you believe everything the government says, you really need to talk to an American Indian."


real dream

(01:30:41 PM) uberscientist: one night dude
(01:30:49 PM) uberscientist: I was walking down that big street in front of my house
(01:30:58 PM) uberscientist: and there was this guy and 2 girls
(01:31:00 PM) uberscientist: or 3 girls
(01:31:08 PM) uberscientist: and they were being yelled at by a couple black dudes
(01:31:31 PM) uberscientist: because the guy went pee somewhere they didnt like
(01:31:40 PM) uberscientist: they were saying he was pissing in front of kids or something
(01:31:47 PM) uberscientist: and were ready to beat his ass
(01:32:20 PM) uberscientist: and I somehow found myself walking next to them, like I crossed the street at the "wrong/right" time
(01:32:34 PM) uberscientist: and I had a staff and bathrobe on
(01:32:48 PM) uberscientist: and just walked next to them while the dude got harassed
(01:32:56 PM) uberscientist: and the black dudes left
(01:33:11 PM) uberscientist: and then they noticed me and said they thought I was one of the "badguys"
(01:33:29 PM) uberscientist: and I said "Don't be afraid ever"
(01:33:39 PM) uberscientist: eh eh?!
(01:34:00 PM) uberscientist: then I talked to them
(01:34:05 PM) uberscientist: and got invited to this party
(01:34:08 PM) uberscientist: when I got to the front door
(01:34:13 PM) uberscientist: my heartrate increased
(01:34:18 PM) uberscientist: and I was like oh fuuuuuuuuuuck
(01:34:38 PM) uberscientist: and told them
(01:34:47 PM) uberscientist: I get nervous in these kinds of situations and left
(01:34:51 PM) uberscientist: :(
(01:35:00 PM) uberscientist: should've I kept going?
(01:35:12 PM) uberscientist: funny how I cant even keep my own advice huh?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Ralph Nader at NAU

So I saw a sign saying Ralph Nader's talk was moved to another auditorium on campus (Audrey Auditorium) and wanted to go check him out, I found out that you needed to have a ticket and NAU ID, it turned out Bryce had a ticket and didn't want to go, and I still had my old ID.

I was able to make it to the speech and sat through his main portion but left as soon as he opened the floor for Q and A, I was tempted to advertise the local pirate radio station since he mentioned that the airwaves are the people's.

There was a bit on outsourcing, how we live on a finite planet, how "even the rich won't be able to escape", how being conservative with your energy usage saves money, so "going green" is economically sound as well as healthy for the planet (he didn't use that horrendous term though)...

He also talked a lot about how we've grown up corporate and have no real interest in civil matters. This part of his talk was most intriguing to me, and has inspired me to go investigate local matters to the best that I can, maybe sit in on some council meetings or something.

I took a bunch of video, probably around and hours worth... I might have enough time to put it on google video or youtube, or maybe I could do a highlights reel.

Anyway, I'm going to go be a hedonist and cook up some potatoes and eggs and put them in a burrito with some salsa and eat it up. yum yum.


From an MBDB trip report on Erowid:
"Inside the forest was where I was struck by some of the most intense emotions I've ever been so fortunate to experience. As the wind moved through the leaves on the trees, something in my spirit came to attention. It felt as though the sound of the leaves was carefully orchestrated, anything but random; a song with an idea attached to it. This flood of feeling is causing me to shake. I turn my eyes to the trees surrounding, and I am blown away. The perceptions of beauty are overwhelming. I feel as though I am being called -- pleaded with -- to come home. The term 'Mother Nature' takes on new meaning. Having no coping mechanism for this type of experience, I'm reduced to muttering somewhat incoherently about how glorious this natural earth truly is. The Human Impact, the wars, the pollution, the consumption of resources, the rate of extinction, all of these things are temporary, and they too will pass. Nature's force is unrelenting, and eternally patient. This is what I learned. "

Monday, September 6, 2010


Slappy the tog tumbler, felt up the meat clot in the visual field. Too bad only the fallacy of phalluses can created the mental image of the converse integral into the sporadic interpretations known to the race of bluggy creatures as the smegma palace. No worries my dear prince, the nonsense will be made cents to the megalomaniacs that aren't in control, but are under a control, a cuntrol more powerful than any man can imagine, the yonic vortex giggles a effeminate ejaculation into the aural plane, the fifth sense some would call it, however it doesn't stop there. Body language isn't ESP, it's just the next sense beyond the yodel of the narcs and faggots. Say one thing and do the other, yes it is the no my enemy lover.

Nonsense? Ah, yes the sense that made too much nothing, this is the splatter of the diuretic upon the screen of the farce force. Terrible blues are being played as the letters unfold into words as the words unfold into images and smells and reality. The code is code, the sun rises and sets, is it not beautiful? No, it is not, trust me for beauty is existent only in the opposite of the cycle, computers are ugly say the roman, the code is ugly say the roman, the flow of water down through the plumbing of themselves is ugly. Oh, well, that's fine, only a liar can see the truth in the matters that exist only in the twisted (DNA DOUBLE PAIR) code of the entire reality of the up-down, flaming serpent sword of the paths. The liars to be surrounding us by ourselves isn't not so much truth as a spoken story of 1 thousand umples (a time unit) however time is truth and 50AD is real and now, and not quite it because it's not and really 1998 FB, 2010 CT yes, how many breaths do you take per thought? No no, you don't die based on time you die based on how fast you think, dear dear dear, how backwards they've got it! The medical society that everyone is desperate to become dependant upon for healing is wrong, oops, go to a doctor and get cancer and autism injected for a hefty fee, and now let us let the people who put us in jail put us in hospital beds, yes, it isn't that bad really. They give you lotions and moisturizers and bland food and Oreos(TM), and you don't even have to worry about choices anymore! How wonderful a release from a life made of straining, stressful, blessful choices! Just lie down dear friend, it will be ok, you can relax now, you will be taken care of and these pills will let you not care anymore, LET YOU! It's a privilege to not care you fucking fool, titter titter.

God damn, work a job in order to buy the liquid to deaden your life in order to work a job that has no life. Yes my friends, it is time to become "FREE" and let the true masters believe in you, the masters from above below, or below above they exist there. I stick my hand down the front of my pants and use a sweeping motion with the tips of my fingers to reverse scratch the side of my sticky scrotum, what kind of man isn't free enough NOT TO SMELL HIS FINGERS!? I'll tell you... you, your dad, your dad's dad, your dad's dad's dad, you are the conspiracy keeping yourself down, kill your parents! then kill yourself! Become the masters that exist between black and white, good and evil, up and down, above and below! What is the game of jealousy? Is it othello? Other fellow? It's not funny anymore, it's pure pain, to attach yourself with golden chains to your morals will kill you, to attach your enemies to justice with iron chains will rape you. Create a relaxed state for the universe, heel and then toss the chains to the side for they are chains are you are not! You are free! The sixth node on the tree contains the whole tree, believe in your psychosis, oh you don't have a choice! Learn, understand, love, respect, and fall knowingly into the perpetual hallucination that you've never left, but have learned to forget. The truth is your fall, and your fall is your rising. Everything is opposite, settle your voices dear world, or I will re-shuffle the deck and burn upon your brow the prophecies of the homosexual priest. There is no truth besides my chainsaw and the chainsaw that chases me around my mind, the pork and porking are one in the same, the ass in the air, the beauty of the assexual, the demon breathing fuck fire. Terrible and beautiful, awkward comfort, in order to sleep... SO I CAN SLEEP, WHY HAVE I BEEN RAISED FROM MY REST? WHO SUMMONS ME?

39. Natural Way

"Strain is pain. When about to meet people, watch for the precise moment when you fall into unnatural behavior. It is the same moment you want to impress others with your niceness -- though you don't feel nice. Catch that sudden switch to a strained greeting or a faked face. Catch and stop it right now before it takes you over completely. This uncomfortable way will be replaced by an enjoyable ease and skill with people."

Sunday, September 5, 2010


Post number 123
I sit here with my painting staring at me
Eyes without pupils, a machine driven by an unaware soul
I am scared, and I don't know the way to show it
I don't know, and I know you don't know either
But I am willing to listen and feel like a dummy
Men crying out words from life rafts to one another
Soothing lies to get to the next sun rise
Disconnected ideas flowing like a dream to my wake
I can't talk about it, the story didn't begin
Nor will it end
The four horsemen of the apocalypse never stop riding,
And they swing their weapons millimetres from my Life
Life-breath more valuable than money
Money more valuable than feces
You say "Of course, how existential"
Of course, other people are hell
But, nay, the gold we mine, and technology we produce
... feces of the eternal malfunction

Friday, September 3, 2010


If you could make me feel responsible, I'd say sorry

You didn't like working nine until five? Sorry
You didn't like being put through school? Sorry
You didn't like being touched there? Sorry
You didn't like the blade being forced through your throat? Sorry
You didn't look as you crossed the street and you didn't like being crushed beneath the wheels? Sorry
You didn't like him with your mom in bed? Sorry
You didn't like how soon he died? Sorry
You didn't like the STD you recieved? Sorry

What and which ones shall I feel responsible for? All of it? That's quite a task, I'll grow my legs until I can't see your insect face and crush you all over again. Either that or grow up yourself and crush me. How easy I forget, how easy it is to forget and become like a child again.
Leave now or Love me
Or is it always you and me, you assume all egos as I assume this singular form?
I see you as the multitude when you're really just one.
And then I separate myself from the waters above and the waters below.
I am the vault of heaven, sin dotting my night sky.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

yah faucks!

Yeah, every single last one of yah fauks!

Oh wow.

Am I the only male interested in artist trading cards? All the videos on youtube are of womens, or maybe the male artists don't make youtube videos of their artist trading card makings.
I don't know... it also seems like people making cards on youtube are all using some sort of mass-production technique.

Oh well I dunno, I'm bringing some art to a thrift store down town to setup and stuff.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Artist Trading Cards

I went to Michael's today to get some paints (there's a 40% off all paints coupon now), and found a cool product called "Artist Trading Cards" it's just a little pack of canvases, I bought a assorted pack for 1.99 which included: vellum bristol, smooth bristol, canvas, textured, water color, 1 illustration board and 1 acrylic.

The reverse side of the packaging once you get it open has an interesting history:

What are artist trading cards?
Artist Trading Cards (ATCs) are miniature pieces of art that are traded around the world. Artists create, trade and collect art at organized "swap" events, either in person or online. It is a great way to meet other artists and share your work. The only official rule for ATCs is the size: 2.5" x 3.5".

How did the movement start?
In 1997, M. Vanci Stirnemann, a Swiss artist, created 1200 cards by hand as a part of an exhibit. On the last day, he invited others to create their own cards and trade with him during the closing reception. After that, the movement took off as other artists organized major "swap" events! Today, there are ATC swaps in almost every major city around the world. There are also many online swaps.

There's more info here if you're interested: Strathmore

I'll post any that I make, maybe I'll do one tonight!


When I got home from the store I didn't even take the time to put the ice cream up, I laid the box down on the counter, and like the beast, split the red hot manager's special tag with my raging index finger.
The box top was thrust open without thought, usually I see myself as a loving creature, a man with care and gentle passion, but something else was in control.
The smell of fried pastries, fruit, and sticky sugary glaze filled my nostrils and it was said that you could see a fire being ignited in my eyes, and I feel as though there really were little fires being ignited all throughout my body and mind, fires of the id, fires that rise up from the bottom and burn the divine with desire.
My salival glands began to quiver with excitement, the first emissions of salival fluid began to be released as I wrapped my fingers around a crispy fritter, oh yes, it's a cherry one. Delicious.
My arm, hand, mind, eyes, they were no longer working as individual body parts, but as a machine, working toward a single goal, the goal of unification between the fritter and my face.
My teeth break the sugar glaze, and continue through the dough and cherries, my nip-nips, they get "rock solid" as my mind expands to the edges of the universe.
The sensations are so strong that I lose myself in the process.
I come back to my individual state, my fallen state... fallen from that eternal heaven that fritter was the temporary key. Oh! This is my struggle, finding the keys to unlock that door to that place, one key will work for a while, then it's another. Damn those slippery keys!
As I sit here writing this now, I know there's a box of frits out on the kitchen counter and a bottle of milk just waiting to dribble down my bearded chin to my hollowed chest that will be and is filled with ecstasy and sorrow to the most extreme degrees.
What key will unlock the oceanic experience today? Will I be able to find it? That is for me to find out, and to drink deeply of the ichor that floweth from the teats and deaks of the godesses and gods. I am a tick who hath burrowed deep within the flesh, and there is a tick that hath burrowed within mine and as it drinks I drink.
Hell understood is heaven, eat fritters, unify in life and in death!
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!

32. Go Upward

When you do something wrong, you must always use it to build rightness -- which is the same as happiness. Never permit a mistake to push you downward into pain and self-hate. Instead, allow the error to carry you upward to where you can see why it happened. Maybe you snap angrily at someone, then see its wrongness. Remain with your rightness of seeing its wrongness. That heals you. Each day you will make fewer and fewer harmful mistakes.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Saturday, August 28, 2010


The United States of America:
  • A Eradicates Men Outfits
  • A Sectarianised Me Of Tut
  • A Academies Fine To Trust
  • A Academies Fetus It Torn
  • A Academies Titters Of Nu

On the Bondage of the Will

From the wiki article: "On the Bondage of the Will"

His conclusions are that unredeemed human beings are dominated by Satan: Satan as the prince of this world never lets go of what he considers his own unless he is overpowered by a stronger power, i.e. God. When God redeems a person, he redeems the entire person, including the will, which then is liberated to serve God.

and I thought this was a good joke, the wiki author thought he was "proud" of his essay On the Bound Will...

Regarding [the plan] to collect my writings in volumes, I am quite cool and not at all eager about it because, roused by a Saturnian hunger, I would rather see them all devoured. For I acknowledge none of them to be really a book of mine, except perhaps the one On the Bound Will and the Catechism.

Dynamics in the Quaternions

Friday, August 27, 2010

Heavily I tread upon the back of Life

My words aren't as heavy as my feelings,
My thoughts are vapour compared to the emotions,
Heavily I tread upon the back of life,
The screams are silent, but I know they're there,
Circuits putting the fear of god into himself,
He "saw" the light, and it was "good",
The dance occurs in Rebis, and in the enormous womb,
Every breath causes pain to your mother
Forget about the cracks and run, you are no longer the pursuer
...but the pursued!

Don't take this personally, it's "the new age".

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Virtue is my vice

We have nothing with the outcast and the unfit: let them die in their misery. For they feel not. Compassion is the vice of kings: stamp down the wretched & the weak: this is the law of the strong: this is our law and the joy of the world. Think not, o king, upon that lie: That Thou Must Die: verily thou shalt not die, but live. Now let it be understood: If the body of the King dissolve, he shall remain in pure ecstasy for ever. Nuit! Hadit! Ra-Hoor-Khuit! The Sun, Strength & Sight, Light; these are for the servants of the Star & the Snake.

Syn is the commandment of nak

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Dream this morning...

Sitting in the gravel around a truck bed with a lot of people (I felt they were friendlies from Flagstaff) some girl tells me to go introduce myself to another girl and I get up but I don't really want to go over, she's not that attractive (or not attractive at all really)
There was another part about selling farts or something like that, fart sound collection, I don't know.

Monday, August 23, 2010


This week: New Energy

"Turn harmful emotions into energies for self-healing. Write a list of ten self-punishing emotions such as gloom and a complaining spirit. On the other side of the page make a list of ten pleasant conditions including alertness and enjoyable hours. Inform yourself, "By sacrificing gloom I have its energy for an alert mind." Or, "By giving up complaints I have new power for happy hours." Practice this exercise in which you win by losing!"

Watched this today...

"The Meru Project has discovered an extraordinary and unexpected geometric metaphor in the letter-sequence of the Hebrew text of Genesis that underlies and is held in common by the spiritual traditions of the ancient world. This metaphor models embryonic growth and self-organization. It applies to all whole systems, including those as seemingly diverse as meditational practices and the mathematics fundamental to physics and cosmology...Meru Project findings demonstrate that the relationship between physical theory and consciousness, expressed in explicit geometric metaphor, was understood and developed several thousand years ago."

I was lead to this through my research of Shefa Tal (according to Stan Tenen, the guy speaking in the video Shefa: Flow (sort of the sense of Tao, or wave model from what I understand) and Tal: Units of information (Particle model)
Google translates it:
Shefa: Abundance, plethora
Tal: Mound, heap

So a "heaped abundance" or as Tenen seems to percieve more 4th dimensionally, the abundance is in the flow and the "notes" that make the flow is the Tal.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Great quote from amazon review

"In Jesus Christ we go to GOD TOP-DOWN !!!
With alchemy we go to GOD BOTTOM-UP !!!" - Fernando Romero

The middle pillar, thrusting back and forth kether to malkuth, malkuth to kether, between severity and mercy, the path is one and many.

Want God bottom up? or top down? I've been enjoying bottom up lately~
Aurora Consurgens (amazon link)

Saturday, August 21, 2010


No, I'm not ashamed of my meat.
It's just that no one seems to want to see it.
So I hide it away.

No, I'm not ashamed of my opinion.
It's just that I don't like to argue.
So I don't push it about.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I can't speak to you

You hide behind your masks
Wrap your beauty in words
All I do is eat your flesh
I see you in every eye
and I wont know you until I die
Costumes of archetypes
Bind me in your ego of freedom
The serpent with razor skin
Tis my coffin of sin

Pu pu purfectíon

This is where we eat metaphors for breakfast...
and shit poets.
We snort coordinate systems to get high and find reflections of ourselves between number bases.
Perfection is but the shell that attempts to define us... and we are the dynamic definition that sodomizes 'perfection' to a delectable departure from delusion, to deteriorate upon the detritus known to us as the dogmata of dharma de-flowered.
We don't have bodies here, we have sex canons... written of the ink drawn from our own nipples upon the membrane of the intersection of infinite dimensions. The pen doesn't stop sexing itself.
Here, we throw new year eve parties... into black holes, just so we can experience the countdown for all of eternity.
Sharpness, to the pu pu purfect leetle point, that da da dances from my tongue, it can never be too precise.

Everything I write is $h!%

Do I really need you?
I don't know who you are.
Do I really want you?
I don't even know what I desire.
I hear them say "You'll know"
The pain of separation to rejoice in union.
It's been lifetime after lifetime.
When I lose my life, will you let me be yours?
The final breath, grasping for the next rung - hologram.
I don't remember to say no, our pleasure together, our beauty apart.

אור, in extension, and it is a prison to rejoice within
Sol, but all I see is Luna
Soul, but all I feel is flesh
Sole - and I'm one with the Earth.

Used to the pain, pleasure foods, ice cream, cigarettes.
My only solace in the symbols, it's how I kill you gently.
My parasitic tendency, imprinted at the tit.
I suck, from teat, to bottle, to cock.

See for yourself the whole world from the bottom of the valley, the mountain builders and shame wielders at their post upon the mighty Tower. An idea -- and it all falls down.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Overcoming the Fear of Death #3

A good point to keep in mind when "other know betters" are getting antsy at seeing you "just being" and try to drag your serene self (yeah right :P ) into their own personal hells.

Actually, the whole point of life may be mere existence; man's basic problem in terms of his unhappiness and alienation may be his feeling that he should be something more; that he should be doing great things; and that he should build a mountain. His curse may be the ambition to be unique.

Tick Tat

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Gabriel Syme, the protagonist (Thursday)

Copied straight from Wikipedia, just for my own collection of words placed in patterns that please some neurons that I associated with.

* "[...] no man should leave in the universe anything of which he is afraid."
* "The rare, strange thing is to hit the mark; the gross, obvious thing is to miss it."
* "Chaos is dull [...]"
* "[...] what is there poetical about being in revolt? You might as well say that it is poetical to be sea-sick. [...] Revolt in the abstract is — revolting. It's mere vomiting. [...] It is things going right [...] that is poetical!"
* "[...] just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree."
* "[...] always be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do?"
* "The moderns say we must not punish heretics. My only doubt is whether we have a right to punish anyone else."
* "Don't you see we've checkmated each other? [...] I can't tell the police you are an anarchist. You can't tell the anarchists I'm a policeman."

I'm going to go pick up the book this character is from tomorrow, "The Man who was Thursday"... seems really cool from what I've peeked.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Week 3: The Difference

A wise man is one who knows what gives him something and what gives him nothing. Develop this wisdom by reading these statements many times: "Asking how I fell into trouble gives me something but self-pity gives me nothing. Quietly changing my own nature gives me something but trying to be noticed gives me nothing." You will see that there is a difference in what you do with yourself. It is the difference between heaven and hell.

Rancid Fragrance Fray

Right place, right time, right thought, right action. Shucks!
Pay back my debts to myself, because I wasn't happy so I need to work off the times that I wasn't happy in some boring 9-5 job or some ridiculous cheese grater torture machine from hell. Yes, that must be it. I thought it was funny because everyone was being serious about it. Sorry. I guess it's pretty serious, huh Chief? I don't know Boss, but one things for sure I'm getting pretty jittery up here, it seems like the light isn't really much of a thing. What do you mean by that, huh Chief? Well, Boss, I feel as though though the push-pull mechanism is a bit tilty-wonky and my posterior is being inspected to the fullest extent for the ultimate destiny.

"PERHAPS" whispered Chief into Boss' ear.

Chief's lips were almost upon Boss' ear, the humidity from the steamy hole in Chief's face created a veneer of lust-water on Boss' efficient sonic condensing apparatus.
Slowly, Chief moves his face model from the model of Boss. Boss' member becomes "quite hard" and Chief understands that it must be time for "it" (if you know what they meant). The tent pitched by the enraged member of Boss resembles something that a young cub scout of 9 or 10 years of age would pitch in the forest to shelter his "self" for the excursion to come face to face with the elements of nature, to understand for the first time since leaving the comfort of the nutritious, warm, "comfortable" (abracadabra), heart-beat rave known to the common man as the "WOMB BEFORE BIRTH"! Ah HA! Infinite wombs to be a parasite within, and the mother loves me? and the mother will eat for two of us? I HATE EATING! (I love it so.) and the mother will take a clothes hanger and shop vac--! Ohh nooooooo! I've gotta do some Buddhist meditations now, am It compelled to do so? What is funny isn't funny, and what isn't funny... well then.
Anyway the member, it's still hard and Chief is all about what is occurring in Australia (down under... in Boss' pants... of course AND anyone in their right mind would be honoured to witness such a sight[according to the constitution of {censored}]) So, first, get ready now, Chief uses the index finger of the right hand to poke (or prod gently) the very TIP TIP of the TEE PEE... this action APPEARS (and remember children only appears) to throw Boss into a state of excitement so intense his head jerks "right back", as though he were starting up a roller-coaster track to the absolute nirvana of Shiva's ever-creating-ever-destroying phallus emanating the entire spectrum of ALL spectrums into the yonic potential that is himself (and Boss)(and maybe Chief too)!
The kegel mussel was delicious and vibrating to the beat of "Love don't dance here anymore" (by Tiga) the tongues of Chief were not one but all tongues for all eternity, every man, woman and child felt a shiver run from the tip-tip of the tonguey wounge to the heart, where, in turn became a ever-glowing star, a star that shone with a light so pure that they thought it was really real... like really real for reals this time, not like that thing that wasn't, and can't quite remember from before, 'cause that was total panky. The hanky is what's worth breathing right for. SO, now the thing has happened with everyone and everyone knows how great this thing going on is, and so the entire universe is like accepting the Coniunctionis that is already being felt through all dimensions (all dimensions are only, 2.light, 3.gravity,, 5.stuff, 6.things and one more SECRET ONE to make it match up with the teachings of the three initiates, of course they're telling the truth). So, then it's all super hard (you know what) and a little bit of the "pre-cummulingus" appears as a crowning star, the wee Coleman(R) camp light[patent pending] that mommy got little cub Tommy to hang in his tent (only $7.95 at Target(R)!)
"Mmmmm HMMMMM."
"Very true, that is VERY TRUE."
"Most, SUPERB, verily verily! Muy bueno!"
... (extrapolate the exchange yourself, if you paid me to write this I might keep on going, but now you've got to do some work yourself.-nak)
OK, so now they're all talking naughty like that, and the pants of our friend Boss contains the Pyramid of Khufu, and Chief is going MAD WITH DESIRE!!!11``!~!one1~one!
Let us continue...
The "Uncountable Tongues of Chief" come from all angles in the multi-hyper-verse and delicately lift the "Pull-tab" of the zipper mechanism in such a manner that the "Pull-tab" and Cheif's pearly white "Central incisors" come in contact. This contact creates a eruption of neurochemical release and synapse firing that APPEARED to begin at that point of contact, sending mechanical signals through the skeletal and fluid amalgamation to be seen by a God in the erotic quivering of the fine hairs, each with a unique personality, yet hold true to their inner light, upon the Organ of Coti. Cheif moves HEAD downwards in order to also move "Central incisors" and "Pull-tab" in congruent direction (for you know what purpose! and it's getting your nippys "real hard"). The zipper "teeth" (these don't grind up foods) are now separated, imagine a DNA double-helix "unzipping" in order to "get down", oh yes. yes.
Chief moves EYES up, however, leaves most of FACE down creating an effect that destroys all barriers that were pretending to limit Boss before. Boss lets out a gutteral sound, a moan? a groan?

"PERHAPS" whispered Chief into Boss' ear.

Chief's lips were almost upon Boss' ear, the humidity from the steamy hole in Chief's face created a veneer of lust-water on Boss' efficient soni...

Friday, August 13, 2010


... for so long today. My hand almost got a cramp a couple times.
And the painting is still not done!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Spam Poetry

For a while I was really into "spam poetry", the random sentences and words strung together to get pas spam filters. I recently got this one from Aleshia Eakin :



... genius

Archipelago means a cluster of islands formed tectonically, and translates to mean something like Chief of the Sea from the Greek. (from Wikipedia)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Overcoming the Fear of Death #2

Another paragraph of gold:

Suppose we computed the average number of paces a person takes during his lifetime, and suppose we were conscious of this fact, rather than the number of years the average person lives. Let us further suppose that the sum is to be one hundred million steps. Even though we would realize that is just an average, we would focus on that average figure and believe we were entitled to that number of paces during the course of our lifetime. This would make us very conscious, would it not? of how many paces we were taking, whether each one was strictly necessary, whether we could perhaps take longer ones, and finally, how many we had left. And when we reached out alloted number of paces, we would feel as though we were living on "borrowed paces" rather than "borrowed time." We would feel that every pace counted, and mothers would tell their children, "Don't waste your paces," rather than, "Don't waste your time."

Overcoming the Fear of Death

I've been reading (slowly as I read now a days...) Ishtar Rising by Robert Anton Wilson, and have been exploring each mysterious facet, quote, book, author, unknown word or phrase; not to "gain knowledge", as I feel it seems impossible to do so... and when knowledge is most visibly "gained" it seems to occur at the beginning of life during our imprint stages and when we were most susceptible to being conditioned in early childhood ("All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" - Robert Fulghum... I haven't read it yet). It takes a type of meek courage to not know anything again and become vulnerable in order to "reprogram", I can't say if the programmer exists within or without, or both.
Anyway, Ishtar Rising mentioned a book called "Self Love" by David Cole Gordon where he explores the search for adult "oceanic experiences" (losing ones self to something... RAW is relating it to the "oceanic experience" of oneness with the universe while the infant is at the breast) the excrement generated by this adult pining "...includes such diverse behaviours as all forms of sex, gambling, watching football games, certain kinds of crime, religious mysticism, mountain climbing and even stud poker." pg 28 Ishtar Rising.

So, being interested in checking out Self Love, I looked for a copy at a local library... to no avail, but I did find Overcoming the Fear of Death by the same author. I am currently on page 29 and found this to be quite a wake up call (transcribed from David Gordon's Overcoming the Fear of Death):
Man works for many reasons not the least of which is to live. But would he work so hard to live if he were fully conscious of the fact that he must die? Man frequently works to the degree that he does, not so much because he has to, but because he does not know what else to do. Work becomes to him ultimate meaning and reality. But does not man really work because he feels he is forced to, rather than because he wants to? Would he not rather play? And, once he finds himself working, does he not convince himself that his work is very meaningful and all-important? We see the case of the man who works to the exclusion of everything else, including all human relationships. He convinces himself that he has found ultimate meaning ; he works night and day and perhaps forgets that he must die and that he and his work may be completely meaningless. This is the man who has completely forgotten his mortality, and in his headlong flight to escape it, is really rushing to embrace it. This is the man who kills himself, finally, after first killing everything in himself that is human. This is the man who suddenly dies in his middle years after having achieved, or being on the verge of achieving, great material success. This is also the "success" who one find day puts a bullet through his head, the day he suddenly remembers what he has been so desperately trying to forget, the fact that his is a man and mortal. This is at the exit point of his life, when he realizes that he has been alienated from an authentic existence by pursuing false and inhuman goals, and in their pursuit , has has sacrificed his life, alienated his family and friends, and lost his opportunity for happiness.

This is a paragraph that one so desperately wants to communicate to him(her)self/others, but fears that the results of reading such an arrangement of words may trigger some sort of "breakdown" in the subject (whoever that is).



by Dylan Thomas

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
Turns mine to wax.
And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

The hand that whirls the water in the pool
Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
Hauls my shroud sail.
And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.

The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
Shall calm her sores.
And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind
How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb
How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Which Jung type is most popular on the internet?

First column is the Jung type, followed by the number of google hits for the type (ie. searching for ISTJ for the first row), the 3rd column is the average of the estimated percentage range for the type in U.S. population according to CAPT

Type Google % of Pop.
ISTJ 173000 13
ISFJ 129000 12
ESFJ 82700 11
ESTJ 362000 10
ENFP 196000 7
ESFP 104000 7
ISFP 121000 7
ESTP 252000 5
INFP 336000 5
ISTP 569000 5
ENTP 484000 4
INTP 484000 4
ENTJ 151000 4
ENFJ 115000 4
INTJ 547000 3
INFJ 228000 2

For the chart I multiplied the estimated % average by 10,000 in order to get a visual idea of the relationship between the 2 numbers. INTJ seems to be the furthest spread between % and google hits, ISFJ seems to be most balanced, and ISTP wins out for being the most popular type on the internet!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Leaning on the world of Illusion

I am all alone with the hungry beast, all it wants is for me to become ripe, everyone that was once viewed as a friend of nak will fold away into the 4th dimension, the "mental meals" supplied to me in order to bolster my pranic generation for the dark lord. I pray that he chews me quickly and passes me through the digestive track into the holy throne of porcelain. I am a robot, the ones and zeros that come from the higher memory being passed through my processor in an sequence that feels like time, feels like anxiety, feels like hunger and satiety. I am all alone, covered in a veil of light, magnetic fluid flows in me, but I am unaware, I am a blind man for the most part. I don't know anything, perhaps sleeping outside tonight will do the trick. Maybe then I'll learn how to feel swell again. Is it sex? Do I desire to be celibate? Where doth will flow from, the animal, is there any truth to anything, what is the right path, I need not think these thoughts.
Free dumb in Amerika.

Clear Mind

This week:
"When feeling uncomfortable in a situation tell yourself, 'I need not think these thoughts.' That self reminder is like a flash of lightning at night that reveals the road home. Maybe someone offers you a small bribe in exchange for something you are reluctant to give. While confused and undecided remind yourself, 'I do not need to think these thoughts.' Your cleared mind supplies new thoughts that easily refuse the bribe and prevent the problem." -- Vernon Howard

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Tai Recipe for Integration into the Planetary

All aboard the mess train, the Allen Trackington participation is inevitable, the door of Life will be opened and the boot of Prometheus will drive the message directly to the bottom of the buttocks. Ah, perhaps the dig man will see the Chinese temporal temple in Nepal when he takes a 30 degree inverse degree. One is a word, but a drop of water that makes the rain that falls from the super cortex outer fractal. Zoom, oh la la. The fire is created from ice the Alien Masters tell us, they are our friends, they feed from the prana gently and bring us Lux from the heavens, the stars are not all Silver. Tzaddi is not 17 they say as well, perhaps the trap isn't really a trap, every vagina is infinite and the energy of the yama is but maya in the mental trappings of the moisture that drips down the mouth tube connected to the Moon. They feed me. I am thankful and I allow them to use my hands in order to laugh at myself and feel once again, the flame of the torch has once again touched my heart and now the blade that directs the freedom penetrates from the left side of the extension of Chokmah down my back and to the pengina that exists above my butt crack. Who knows what they mean when the darkness appears to be crawling, the blood, the skeleton, the worms eating my flesh, the chainsaw cutting through my throat. The sexual union with the pig meat generates the bacon of Satan which he eats with the technology generated from the military-industrial complex. The pubic schooling that we recieve in our dreams before we're ready generates a world of oversex'd hyperperverts that I love more than the mirror image of the mirror image of 5 to the 3rd degree. It is the spiders that bite and infect me with their fear, they make me jump like the white shirts and sushi munchers. I am no better than a kitty-dog that hath no way of eating itself besides through the extension of light from the inner Nuit.

Friday, August 6, 2010

We're projecting more than we realize

We aren't that different from the rest of the universe

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I read the word "ambivalent" from my enneagram type ("Fives feel ambivalent about the world...")

wiktionary: Ambivalent

From Latin:
ambi- (“in two ways”)
valeō (“be strong”)

A word for the the union of the opposites! I was actually very pleased when coming across this word and being "brave" enough (damn egos LOVE to pretend to know everything...) to look it up and gain a deeper insight into this word (and The Work).

The definition they have is as follows:
Simultaneously experiencing or expressing opposing or contradictory feelings, beliefs, or motivations.

It's funny, once you are able to define something, put a label on it, in a way you are able to kill it or place it aside, or manipulate it more easily than working with something without some sort of "symbol" to grasp with "lower mind" (3rd circuit of Leary consciousness perhaps?)

Ambiguous: Open to multiple interpretations; 2nd part from Latin agere (“to drive, move”))... to move in both directions, like an electron in a superposition of particle/wave, the state of non-observance in the most "pure" sense (unknowable sense), the image for this post I would call ambiguous because it is 2 things at once, it moves the mind in 2 ways at once... can you see just the old hag or just the pretty young lady looking away? Can you switch between seeing one then the other, then more quickly? Can you see both at once in one instant? Quantum reality!

Warpeace and Hatelove!


So I sat down and did a little programming in python today, I haven't done it in so long, I'm quite rusty, but here's the result from the work: 666 Snap!

Fairly pleased, the hardest part was grabbing the image from the astrological site since the file name changes... the rest are static and easy to yoink.

Now, I may be interested in making the same program but make database files, like CSV or something in order to graph things and overlay various variables through time... "I bet the monster was happy when they made him a maze"...

Yes. yes indeed, there are some things that are never MEANT to be known, but it's fun wearing down the parts that try and know it.

The code is nasty, I don't even want to show it off...


Jung Enneagram Type

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||| 33%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 43%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||| 16%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||| 36%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||| 40%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||| 20%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Your main type is 5
Your variant is self pres
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Acknowledging the Unconscious

Acknowledging the unconscious, goes beyond just being observant, it seems to be an active observation. Noticing the universe around you and the meaning behind the symbolic experiences you are constantly having. Dream and daily activity have been split arbitrarily by certain schools of thought, even though we can learn from both on a consistent basis. I noticed that I've had a propensity to cleave the symbol from the idea it's representing, when it seems possible to see they are inseparable.

The above rant resulted from reading ~30 pages from "The Mysterium Lectures - A Journey through C.G. Jung's Mysterium Coniunctionis" today, picked it up from the local university library. I checked that book out after reading some sections from the original work by Jung... some difficult reading indeed. Finding a good Latin and Greek dictionary is on my "to-do" list for tomorrow.

Wisdom -> understanding -> karma ->

Until it is time,

Monday, August 2, 2010


Painted some of this.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Layers of Liar's Lairs

"Legs spread, same width as the shoulders. Body tight, then hit the ball like you're defeating the enemy. Here, the pinky finger is the key. And then you just hit, hit, hit. Ka-kin! Bingo!" ... "He who conquers the left side conquers the world, chief." - Mamimi from FLCL ep. 1

To be in a place where a life of shamelessness in the most divine sense has been remembered.
Remember Jean-Paul Sartre's words of wisdom to the wise: "Hell is other people"

What doth creates the sense of SHAME? Who are the "KNOW-BETTERS" than you?! We are so desperate we SEEK THEM OUT, and PAY THEM to KNOW BETTER than us.
"When the pain is great enough, we will let anyone be doctor." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

3 un-noble truths, which fuck wanted to be "noble" anyway?

  • I don't know what to do with myself
  • I feel terrible about myself
  • I fear I won't make it

I know these, I am carrying these with me this week. When we give up "knowing", knowing begins.
The rose is beautiful because it suffers, the sage can afford to appear old and decrepit

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Nothing special

The intelligent walked willingly into the mouth of the Beast, while the others were lead to their consumption by empty promises and unfulfilled desires.

Monday, July 19, 2010

10 trees in one Tree

So, today I experimented with placing 10 kabbalistic trees of life into one larger Tree.
To diagram the trees I use Frater Achad's method outlined in the book: "Anatomy of the Body of God". Basically 4 larger circles are drawn on a line, with each center starting at the intersection of the circle and line, the first circle can be placed arbitrarily. This generates the distances in order to place the ten sephiroth.
Now, if we reduce our compass size to 1/4 the original radius (I did this by horizontally drawing a line through the middle of one of the 3 vesica piscis that are generated from the drawing of the original 4 circles, then placing the compass at the intersection of the horizontal line and the vertical line that the circles were drawn on. Then reduce the size of your compass' radius so the pencil is at the center of your original circle).
Now that we have our compass drawing circles 1/4 the original generating circles we can now proceed to draw another 10 sets of generating circles emanating from the original ten sephiroth. Today, I made each sephera it's own kether on the tree generating down from it, but I am sure we can experiment with placing different sepheroth on each of the sepheroth on the larger tree... perhaps each larger sephera should correspond to itself on the smaller tree? I'll report my findings on that tomorrow, or maybe later tonight.

I have been splitting the 10 trees out of the larger tree in order to make individual diagrams and labeling the overlapping sepheroth on each one.

"I knew it, then I had it, then... RAW WHORE KA-HOOEY!"

The 3 of Wands

I pulled the 3 of wands first today. I pulled it off the top of the deck 2 days ago as well, and has been showing up in my studies of the cards pretty frequently, especially after I assigned my "own word" to it.
Crowley uses the word "Virtue" on his 3 of wands, I am using the golden dawn deck (R. Wang) which doesn't have any words at the bottom of the small cards to help remind the user/lover of what attributions the world wants you to think of when reading those cards.
I just recently finished reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and thought that his explanation of the word excellence and especially the Greek word areté needed to have places in the tarot, but I realized that the 3 of wands WAS representative of areté.

From Richard Hooker's website on Greek Philosophy (link at the bottom):
The most articulated value in Greek culture is areté. Translated as "virtue," the word actually means something closer to "being the best you can be," or "reaching your highest human potential." The term from Homeric times onwards is not gender specific. Homer applies the term of both the Greek and Trojan heroes as well as major female figures, such as Penelope, the wife of the Greek hero, Odysseus. In the Homeric poems, areté is frequently associated with bravery, but more often, with effectiveness. The man or woman of areté is a person of the highest effectiveness; they use all their faculties: strength, bravery, wit, and deceptiveness, to achieve real results. In the Homeric world, then, areté involves all of the abilities and potentialities available to humans. We can, through the frequent use of this term in Homer's poems, make some tentative conclusions about the early Greek world view. The concept implies a human-centered universe in which human actions are of paramount importance; the world is a place of conflict and difficulty, and human value and meaning is measured against individual effectiveness in the world.

Areté brings about a lot stronger sense of something powerful and truly GOOD (what's that, eh?) than the word Virtue, which brings about mental imagery of people stuck in old ways, unable to see how wiggly this world really is, parents (of all origins being biological, government, peer etc) telling you what is right and wrong and perhaps some Aesop's fables.

Here's the other paragraph of Areté from Hooker's site:
Aristotle, areté is explicitly linked with human knowledge. Plato repeatedly returns to the question of areté , and the evidence of his earliest writings suggest that Socrates, Plato's teacher, was equally obsessed with the question. Various Platonic dialogues deal with questions such as: Can areté be taught or learned (Meno )? What is areté (The Republic )? The famous Socratic paradox, "Virtue is knowledge," is in Greek, "Areté is knowledge." This would be the foundation of both Socratic and Platonic philosophy: the highest human potential is knowledge and all other human abilities are derived from this central capacity. Aristotle also locates the highest human potential in knowledge: theoretical knowledge. If areté is knowledge and study, the highest human knowledge is knowledge about knowledge itself; in this light, the theoretical study of human knowledge, which Aristotle called "contemplation," is the highest human ability and happiness.

Richard Hooker's entry on Areté

Signing off for now,
"I knew it, then I had it, then... RAW WHORE KA-HOOEY!"

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Perhaps I'll be back...

I stopped blogging, recording experience etc. for a while and then began keeping a "personal journal" or "magickal diary" last year in November. I've actually been writing in that darn thing this whole time... and I mean relatively well updated, when "real life" gets too intense I won't even have enough gumption/percieved time/care to record those time spans, so there have been some gaps in the written time-line of the journal.
I wanted to start writing on a blog again tonight for some reason, perhaps it's because I've de-activated my Facebook account and I want to just type my thoughts out to the Internet in general instead of my "friends" that also have FB accounts.
When I write in my journal I sometimes feel it's a blog that only "G-d" and myself can read and reflect upon instead of the numerous tulpas that exist in my day-to-day.
I question the extent of experience the tulpas are attuned to that exist in my experience, and my own tulpahood. Tulpas can be tricky, especially humans and myself! They can seem to understand things, use words that outwardly appear understanding, but I myself have feigned understanding in order to "save face" or, more commonly, keep conversation flowing in a way that I feel is beautiful and uninhibited.

I don't know if I am fishing for something here, or if I just want to try typing, or maybe it's the two beers I just downed that's creating this desire that I am acting upon here.

I've been thinking of the concept of negative and positive zero. That may seem extremely silly to a person who thinks of numbers as merely quantities (number line thinkers), what else is zero besides zero?! It's nothing right? Therefore it's impossible to have a negative or positive aspect to that number. But to the fool that has readeth'd and understood it not, zero is a very real thing in the universe that can become + or -. There seems to be different types of zero, just as there are different types of infinities. Infinite whole numbers, infinite digits to the right of the decimal of pie or 1/3, infinite recursion, infinite fractals, infinite loops...
Zero in a moment, +infinity + -infinity = 0. But what if we are more focused on the +infinity we may forget about our precious, and most necessary -infinity and the observer creates the property of observing a +0 experience, the opposite (as always!) is also true and holds. Illusion, maya, etc is true and it's this carefully perceived imbalance that seems to generate the (un)changing, (un)predictable experience that we are going through in our day-to-day.
Maybe the secret isn't all that secret, it's just the blatant nature of the interactions of the infinities and our "Malcom in the middle" status experiencing the thing.
What a subtle, genuinely amazing universe we are participating in.

"I knew it, then I had it, then... RAW WHORE KA-HOOEY!"