Juggling is the first thing that comes to mind. Without an internet connection I delved into the world of juggling tennis balls for hours on end, it was fine when it was nice outside (pre-summer) but now I don't spend as much time juggling, I need some bean bags or something that doesn't bounce so I can practice inside.
I've been confusing to my family, Heisenberg uncertainty principle applied to a my direction in life... Causing an apparent general ruckus in the minds of the 2 biologically-authoritarian females in my life: my Mother and Grandmother, I can only assume when their teeth gnash and claws become revealed it's with good intent.
Heavy assumptions being made, confusion, misinformation, fear lace their words when I finally get a smell of the concerned gossip that goes on behind my back. When it's directed at my face statements such as "You're doing nothing with your life" are unleashed upon me, which creates a wave of discontent in my being. Assumptions that I have an enemy called "The Man" that I am totally against working for ???? being a parasitic being on my Father and his finances etc. Perhaps, I tried discussing how he felt about me staying with him, he seemed to appreciate it, but at the same time didn't want me to feel obligated to stay with him? I love, and I don't care (if that makes sense) in a very Henry Milleresque way. I don't care enough, so I can love purely, without any bounds. I'm wild... or the domesticated beast, what's the difference? I don't feel the need to "make my own way" in a world where all the ways are made, all you have to do is decide and do what you want to do. They are very concerned with money, and it's actually getting to a point where I need to make some, my bank account just went under 100 dollars for the first time in my life, for some people this is normal living from paycheck to paycheck, I never had that issue, never had the feeling of being "stuck" in a cycle of work->check->pay rent->work endless cycle of poverty, just barely clutching on to the necessities. I tend to give up luxuries, or cut as many corners on my own life in order to keep a balance in the finances... or in reality I spend money at thrift stores thinking (well, this is a good deal, if I can't use it I can probably sell it...) or buying PA systems that are now being lent out because...you know... living with parents you can't play loud music. My Dad is paying 22 bucks for a copper ring/tip phone line and isn't quite aware of how awesome a high-speed internet connection is (why I am sitting out here on the back porch writing a blog post at 1:03AM in order to escape the day time heat, and absorb the WiFi from a neighbor) The thermometer reads about a 95 deg. F even at this hour. This area of suburbia is pretty humid as well, maybe it's the canal and all the irrigated lawns producing work for the illegal immigrants... My umwelt is interesting in it's own right.
Mosquitos bite at me, which is living poetry, me sucking wifi, them sucking my blood, it's a circle of leeches all the way down to the "last hole" that can be sucked, the last well that can be tapped and used. There is no art to the utilitarian (I lie!). The machine is art, money and making it is art, it's sexual.
As stated in Kinsey:
Fucking is... nothing more than-- than friction and harmless fun?
Well, let me tell you... that is a risky game,
because fucking isn't just something.
It's the whole thing.
And if you're not careful... it will cut you wide open.
From Kinsey script
How easy it is to fall inside of yourself and forget where you CAME from~
*contemplates belly button*