Monday, September 15, 2008

at the minimum...

Yeah, I'm at the minimum of the sine wave again. I guess bipolar people have more of a squarewave shape to their mood, I guess as long as you realize its a waveform you can hope that you are at the bottom and the only way to go is up. The maximum is great, ultimate slack. If only other delusional people were nicer, if only I were nicer in an honest way... nicesty through lies is horrible, you destroy yourself.

The schools train people in deceit, it's disgusting. Our water supply is full of second hand antidepressants, it's horrible. Ideas change the world. I don't know what to do, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom always to tell the difference"

If I could cure the world with a joke, I would, I am a prankster, a joker. I wish I could give everyone the little bit of happiness I have called wonder. Everyone is so brainwashed, I don't know who I can talk to, "crazy" people make the most sense. The wackos, nutjobs, everyone who is looked down upon are the one's that see.

Hahahahahahahaha :) Who knows who is telling the truth, my personality isn't transparent, I've created it to protect myself, I HAD TO. IT'S WHAT I'VE LEARNED TO SURVIVE, TO EXIST WITHOUT BEING TORTURED. But now instead of outsiders torturing me, the balance of power has become internal. This is why PUNK ROCK, exists.

Crying tears and laughter live next door to each other on my wheel of emotion. My grandmother asks me "WHAT ARE YOU ON?" when I explain hastily the church of the subgenius. She thinks I do nothing, just leave me alone. I wish for people to leave me alone, I am not lonely, just alone, one is a feeling a state of your wheel of emotion. Alone is a state of physical being.

I witnissed a young man 'freak out' tonight, wasn't me, but I felt for him so much. I know the strain, the desires, the social awkwardness all these things feed dark wolves in our heads.

My grandmother has tempted me to sell all my things for money, use the money to travel around the country. My father won't approve of that activity. Everyone is such a hippocrit, I wish they would concern themselves WITH themselves, other than ME. HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YOURSELF. NOTHING ZERO.

1. Fact: some observer is experiencing this right now, I can't call the observer me, I can't call him by my legal name. He is something that has been constructed by a creator, stimulus if ... then statements.

That's all, anything else is a construct of something. Evolution, God, what the fuck ever. Doesn't matter... all that exsists is THIS MOMENT, anything else is an construct of the left hemisphere. Or will the left hemisphere say say the exact opposite, this is a left hemi. world we live in. People using the RIGHT to control the LEFT which DESTROYS us. Right as in emotions such as FEAR and LOVE. Fear of DEATH, the UNKNOWN which are one... LOVE for LIFE, SEX, MONEY, CHOCOLATE ahhhhhh YES.

Conculsion: My head sort of hurts, I am wearing a half-smirk on my face, and it's 12:05AM Tuesday, beautiful Tuesday.
"I've been there before, it's not very fun, between this and that isn't very fun"

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