Chemically depleted, mathematically impossible. The perfection of nature, our beauty is the approximation.
No more seriousness, no more jovial mad pranking.
No more feeding, no more seating.
The finish line has been reached, what we've been striving for all our lives.
It's no cause for celebration, remorse or the rest... in the wild it's seamless.
However, we are high on human DNA, on planet earth, separatist ideas like "you're not the only pebble on the beach" silly silly, pebbles? No just beach.
But then what's the difference?
Mine's bigger than yours, silly concerns for the filled belly, I still starve, and this starvation will keep me going painfully long, Death will be a coming home once I pierce the veil... coming home to lol-land, to jokes-ville, apple nebula. Pirate vagabond, hipster electro carollers.
It doesn't end here, I can't even remember Blossum's name.
And the Mao game is perfect, just submit, resistance is futile.
What goes on in those cubicles anyway?
Freedom will not be defined, ever. If it does, then it loses all meaning... to me.
OK. There isn't much left, but when you're talking about an infinity, that's not saying anything really.
skidoo
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Just gonna blah type
And by blah type, I mean type whatever I want and post it on my blog. I just read an article in Scientific American about quantum physics(again...) and I feel like saying "Yessssssss!" under my breath, it's getting closer and I feel weird still (I'm still human, so that's a given... illuminati slave-bots fnord fit in and feel normal) and not quite a realized singularian of entangled information leakage.
The author's bio line was awesome too. He has 3 kids and plays a guitar on a marshall amp with the volume turned up to 11.
Now I get up to talk about Spaghetti with my dad.
Finished eating spaghetti.
Chubby fat girls with beards, drinking malted milkshakes and flashing you their panties and giggling.
Demon mothers made of plastic energy, with faces that never change, scary big teeth but I love you anyway.
Dogs that give you boners, and kids that make you cry. Fly forever normal man, and electricity is AwEsOmE. Human crystalline structure, follows some basic rules... take no advantage because there is none to be had~
Sit and spew your radical ideas from Byzantine, and make new ideas from the Aztecs. Eat what is given to you, and hold your breath (always little breathing).
Laugh for the lulz and see the corruptions take place, all eyes now turn and clobber the one at the top, it's the same concept though, and it was taken and given without a notice in the papers. The rifles never stop long enough to cool down, words are worth only so much to a mind that has this much.
Ok, so it's really interesting how that kind of stuff isn't standard communication practice. The convolutions of concepts being forced through a filter of semantic maps, deforming the ideas that wished to be communicated in the first place, and perhaps even the originator forgets the original intent during the formulation of the 'proper construct' to approximate the communication of the idea to the other fellow.
:)
But really the jazz isn't played from the tabulation the first time, it is forced there. dA DA DA DUM ..._
Smelly manbearpig-rapture openminded politically correct dreaded conformist hippie individualist anarchist NPR applejuice orchard loving nature swigging anti-corporate techno freak. Hyper conservative, loving family man, true freedom.
The true nature of things lies in our ability to correctly formulate the right cadence of proper symbols in a succession that unlocks the ability to create an empathetic universe. If we can avoid solipism (like a plague) then we may have a fighting chance against that terrible disease that takes so many lives and lives on our backs constantly.
Japanese cute alienheaded rangers from the sierra nevada brewing company.
A willow sways to and fro, and all my friends and family are with me constantly, my idea of them imprinted on my DNA. Progression is happening, its subtle, like progressive house music.
Unce unce unce unce oonze oonze oonze, yah k cool, so I think I like you alot.. A LOT.
A plastic womb for my children of the future.
It's weird to the earth man, and the fire man is too caught up in devouring himself, the air man knows best always, and the water man just feels he's been wronged.
I'm still a slow bee.
floatee.
Tea
The author's bio line was awesome too. He has 3 kids and plays a guitar on a marshall amp with the volume turned up to 11.
Now I get up to talk about Spaghetti with my dad.
Finished eating spaghetti.
Chubby fat girls with beards, drinking malted milkshakes and flashing you their panties and giggling.
Demon mothers made of plastic energy, with faces that never change, scary big teeth but I love you anyway.
Dogs that give you boners, and kids that make you cry. Fly forever normal man, and electricity is AwEsOmE. Human crystalline structure, follows some basic rules... take no advantage because there is none to be had~
Sit and spew your radical ideas from Byzantine, and make new ideas from the Aztecs. Eat what is given to you, and hold your breath (always little breathing).
Laugh for the lulz and see the corruptions take place, all eyes now turn and clobber the one at the top, it's the same concept though, and it was taken and given without a notice in the papers. The rifles never stop long enough to cool down, words are worth only so much to a mind that has this much.
Ok, so it's really interesting how that kind of stuff isn't standard communication practice. The convolutions of concepts being forced through a filter of semantic maps, deforming the ideas that wished to be communicated in the first place, and perhaps even the originator forgets the original intent during the formulation of the 'proper construct' to approximate the communication of the idea to the other fellow.
:)
But really the jazz isn't played from the tabulation the first time, it is forced there. dA DA DA DUM ..._
Smelly manbearpig-rapture openminded politically correct dreaded conformist hippie individualist anarchist NPR applejuice orchard loving nature swigging anti-corporate techno freak. Hyper conservative, loving family man, true freedom.
The true nature of things lies in our ability to correctly formulate the right cadence of proper symbols in a succession that unlocks the ability to create an empathetic universe. If we can avoid solipism (like a plague) then we may have a fighting chance against that terrible disease that takes so many lives and lives on our backs constantly.
Japanese cute alienheaded rangers from the sierra nevada brewing company.
A willow sways to and fro, and all my friends and family are with me constantly, my idea of them imprinted on my DNA. Progression is happening, its subtle, like progressive house music.
Unce unce unce unce oonze oonze oonze, yah k cool, so I think I like you alot.. A LOT.
A plastic womb for my children of the future.
It's weird to the earth man, and the fire man is too caught up in devouring himself, the air man knows best always, and the water man just feels he's been wronged.
I'm still a slow bee.
floatee.
Tea
Monday, May 16, 2011
??
"If one can attain purposelessness through purpose, then the thing has been grasped." - Secret (shh!) of the Golden Flower
"If one can attain purpose through purposelessness, then the thing has been grasped*." - Flower of the Golden Secret
I just reversed them and thought about it and my head exploded, what if it was released*? Is the thing the tao? Haha, I imagined a hand physically grasping a dragon, controlling it forcefully. Then a hand that has released a dragon 'on a silver cord' and is chasing it. Another hand is caressing the dragon, making it feel ok. It could be metaphorical, or it was for a moment, but I'm not sure what kind of process I was trying to describe.
Substance is important. Sometimes writers use a lot of airy words to try and make themselves seem like a good writer. But other times it's really the best word for the job. Substance is something the mind can chew, or work with, play with. An imagination partner really in fiction and non-fiction as well. For non-fiction like scientific results you can read about how the experiments were done and chew on it, learn more names for more specific processes used to collect data. Computers are very complex, but I'm not sure HOW complex... perhaps infinitely! There always seems like something new to learn, or get better at, especially on linux because knowing how to use standard bash commands and a package manager people (I know a little...) can do really impressive things. and really, have a more impressive knowledge of how systems work in general.
"If one can attain purpose through purposelessness, then the thing has been grasped*." - Flower of the Golden Secret
I just reversed them and thought about it and my head exploded, what if it was released*? Is the thing the tao? Haha, I imagined a hand physically grasping a dragon, controlling it forcefully. Then a hand that has released a dragon 'on a silver cord' and is chasing it. Another hand is caressing the dragon, making it feel ok. It could be metaphorical, or it was for a moment, but I'm not sure what kind of process I was trying to describe.
Substance is important. Sometimes writers use a lot of airy words to try and make themselves seem like a good writer. But other times it's really the best word for the job. Substance is something the mind can chew, or work with, play with. An imagination partner really in fiction and non-fiction as well. For non-fiction like scientific results you can read about how the experiments were done and chew on it, learn more names for more specific processes used to collect data. Computers are very complex, but I'm not sure HOW complex... perhaps infinitely! There always seems like something new to learn, or get better at, especially on linux because knowing how to use standard bash commands and a package manager people (I know a little...) can do really impressive things. and really, have a more impressive knowledge of how systems work in general.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
A short one
I just wanted to write something, add some more pollution to the pure chaos that exists beneath all our little tits and tats.
Simply put, I'm going to brush and floss my teeth, install my retainers for the night and wiggle-wuzz with my bedding. Reality is like thermo-plastic, where you heat and set and it holds it's shape... this is an assertion made by a fictional character written by Robert Anton Wilsion. It's NOT like silly putty constantly changing the ICs (Initial Conditions).
Yawning now, boring words. Same thoughts.
I said this would be short, and I'm going to leave with this:
Your truth, your desperation, your grudge, shadows of shadows. True love exists in total annihilation~
Simply put, I'm going to brush and floss my teeth, install my retainers for the night and wiggle-wuzz with my bedding. Reality is like thermo-plastic, where you heat and set and it holds it's shape... this is an assertion made by a fictional character written by Robert Anton Wilsion. It's NOT like silly putty constantly changing the ICs (Initial Conditions).
Yawning now, boring words. Same thoughts.
I said this would be short, and I'm going to leave with this:
Your truth, your desperation, your grudge, shadows of shadows. True love exists in total annihilation~
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Today
Style? The gaseous emission from some cosmic nebula, that style is post-modern.
Good? The white dwarfs, neutron stars. Bad? Red giants, blue dwarfs.
A HOLY CRUSADE FOR THE STELLAR MEN! Fill the ignorants with star dust, destroy old brain patterns by creating new ones! Your SECRET sinturd. My back arches for your love, 3.1415.......... tick tick tick, your measurements divide the waters.
"YELP ABOUT GOD!" GOD IS A NERD! GOD IS A TURD! GOD IS GOOD! AND GOD IS FOOD!
"I'm in it for the water" Stop splashing, stop typing, stop fucking, stop eating, stop breathing, stop stop stop STOP THINKING!
Mow your lawn.
Paint your house.
Go out and have dinner, pretend FOR ME.
Envelop me in your skin, wrap me in your sin. Keep believing that I'm not here, so I can have some fear.
Security, encryption would mean no-more color, the grey little alien derive no dollar
You can't grasp the flow, touch the fence and your fingers crumble.
He sharpens his crude iron blade, made of the souls thrice slayed.
Stuck in this cycle, rebirth everyday... there is ~about~, numerically, a place to play.
The loudspeaker above me crackles "Number 84, your time has come."
White walls, white tile floor, calm angels wearing turquoise.
Me get up, me no where to go, the angels in their smocks direct me to freedom.
The path to the door is lined with dogs in kennels, speaking to me in tongues of a language long forgotten.
They were out once, and they were in, and me see my own paws now and my body grown thin.
Me used to only be my sight and smell. Now with these angels I AM and have a Will.
The door isn't pure as the rest of this place, bloody paw prints, and desperate scratches.
A golden door knob protrudes from the right. I dare not touch, but the angel's hands are the keys to all the doors we please.
And there he sits, as though he's at the top of the world. My blue green guardian-guides leave my sight, but not out of mind.
A woman dressed in a black dress and a blood red poppy pinned to her chest. Surrounded with gold coins, and mounds of currency dressed up for all the nations.
My eyes follow her form from her soft red lips, down down down, my mind and eyes are falling to the floor.
Past her perfect breasts.
Down to the house of the reproductive system, which creates the slightest, subtle hill where the stars are born.
The dress is now lace, black and intricate, covering her legs. Ankles. The horror of the floor she stands upon. The faces of living zombies, lost souls staring up her dress, needles, white faces of the ones that finally made it. They fold over and under under her stance. The woman in black still on this ocean of secure bliss. The tiles made of human life, bought and sold they flow up, then down behind the desk of the man in the Grey suit.
His desk is mahogany. They say if you can craft mahogany, you can craft anything.
His face is neither young or old, he is neither fat nor thin... and his smile is made from Light stretched skin.
Not even a smile, a slight upturn in the corners of his mouth and his jaw slightly slack, holding an orb of Air between his tongue and pallet. His eyes stare, his chest doesn't seem to move.
To the right of his mighty empty desk stands a man on a chess board extending to the infinite. He is dressed in a white suit, decorated in metals, ornaments and sashes I've never seen before. I covet these things immediately, I wish to impress this man.
I remember my paws.
I remember my worthlessness. How could I ever be him, be as valuable as him? I feel shame.
It's my fault.
This man, he speaks, he speaks words of Madness staring out on his grid of black and white.
As soon as my mind settles the Grey suit at the desk moves.
His face doesn't change expression, he reaches slowly, purposefully to a drawer and removes a small dagger. Closes.
Another drawer he opens and removes a glass phallus, holding his careful expression he places both the dagger and phallus on the mahogany pointing in opposite directions. The blade towards the White suit. The phallus towards the Black dress.
He stands up, walks through the polished wood desk as though it were air. One pace, two pace, three, four. Another four and his nose would be at my snout.
~Fellow. You are on the path between SEVEN and EIGHT.
The path between FIVE and FOUR.
You don't need your beauty anymore.
His eyes were locked with mine, but his face hadn't moved. There may have even been a glow coming from inside his mouth... if he opened his lips.
The squares began to twist and turn under the White suit. The black and white spiraling in a pattern, as if it were a chore for them. Just as winding a spring is a chore, less force required at the beginning, then it gets tighter, and harder, and tighter.
The humans under the heels of the Black dress began to rise, speak unMadness to each other. The womans face was changing, her nose became larger, left eye just slightly lower than her other, her tits sagged just a little unevenly and the perfect lace became tattered.
"Know were I can score some x,y,z?" Dope, pussy, dough, a job, a good time, beer, friends... some water? All the risen were needing something, to do something, to get somewhere and make something out of themselves.
The man in the Grey suit still stared unblinkingly into my soul.
The White suit began to turn with the patterns beneath his feet, each rotation created another man in a special garment. First was a priest, a police officer, a good looking man in a suit and tie and a smile that could woo millions. Boy scout leaders, girl scout leaders, a pretty third grade teacher, and eventually mall security officers.
Still, we stood still speaking the language of silence, staring into each other's eyes.
The crowds were now intermingling. Each one latching to another, grabbing this, killing that, believing this and shunning that. The ones who spoke unMadness were beginning to speak Madness, following one of the chessboard people, building bridges to somewhere, making something of themselves in their Destined image.
Reality set in around us, Grey suit and I, now us.
Factories, green grass, stone, mountains, streams, computers, blogs, information rates, explanations of their birth into this cosmos.
The right side of our lips move up so slightly and our hearts melt for every single one of the animated ones, for reality, for the food and the worm.
Love is their work, worm and word. Love is a lie to us.
The smile spreads to the left side of our mouth and we turn around, eyes shared reveling in the mathematical chaos. Person(A) chasing Person(B) creating Chase(X). Nouns are dead. Verbs live forever. XXX
Good? The white dwarfs, neutron stars. Bad? Red giants, blue dwarfs.
A HOLY CRUSADE FOR THE STELLAR MEN! Fill the ignorants with star dust, destroy old brain patterns by creating new ones! Your SECRET sinturd. My back arches for your love, 3.1415.......... tick tick tick, your measurements divide the waters.
"YELP ABOUT GOD!" GOD IS A NERD! GOD IS A TURD! GOD IS GOOD! AND GOD IS FOOD!
"I'm in it for the water" Stop splashing, stop typing, stop fucking, stop eating, stop breathing, stop stop stop STOP THINKING!
Mow your lawn.
Paint your house.
Go out and have dinner, pretend FOR ME.
Envelop me in your skin, wrap me in your sin. Keep believing that I'm not here, so I can have some fear.
Security, encryption would mean no-more color, the grey little alien derive no dollar
You can't grasp the flow, touch the fence and your fingers crumble.
He sharpens his crude iron blade, made of the souls thrice slayed.
Stuck in this cycle, rebirth everyday... there is ~about~, numerically, a place to play.
The loudspeaker above me crackles "Number 84, your time has come."
White walls, white tile floor, calm angels wearing turquoise.
Me get up, me no where to go, the angels in their smocks direct me to freedom.
The path to the door is lined with dogs in kennels, speaking to me in tongues of a language long forgotten.
They were out once, and they were in, and me see my own paws now and my body grown thin.
Me used to only be my sight and smell. Now with these angels I AM and have a Will.
The door isn't pure as the rest of this place, bloody paw prints, and desperate scratches.
A golden door knob protrudes from the right. I dare not touch, but the angel's hands are the keys to all the doors we please.
And there he sits, as though he's at the top of the world. My blue green guardian-guides leave my sight, but not out of mind.
A woman dressed in a black dress and a blood red poppy pinned to her chest. Surrounded with gold coins, and mounds of currency dressed up for all the nations.
My eyes follow her form from her soft red lips, down down down, my mind and eyes are falling to the floor.
Past her perfect breasts.
Down to the house of the reproductive system, which creates the slightest, subtle hill where the stars are born.
The dress is now lace, black and intricate, covering her legs. Ankles. The horror of the floor she stands upon. The faces of living zombies, lost souls staring up her dress, needles, white faces of the ones that finally made it. They fold over and under under her stance. The woman in black still on this ocean of secure bliss. The tiles made of human life, bought and sold they flow up, then down behind the desk of the man in the Grey suit.
His desk is mahogany. They say if you can craft mahogany, you can craft anything.
His face is neither young or old, he is neither fat nor thin... and his smile is made from Light stretched skin.
Not even a smile, a slight upturn in the corners of his mouth and his jaw slightly slack, holding an orb of Air between his tongue and pallet. His eyes stare, his chest doesn't seem to move.
To the right of his mighty empty desk stands a man on a chess board extending to the infinite. He is dressed in a white suit, decorated in metals, ornaments and sashes I've never seen before. I covet these things immediately, I wish to impress this man.
I remember my paws.
I remember my worthlessness. How could I ever be him, be as valuable as him? I feel shame.
It's my fault.
This man, he speaks, he speaks words of Madness staring out on his grid of black and white.
As soon as my mind settles the Grey suit at the desk moves.
His face doesn't change expression, he reaches slowly, purposefully to a drawer and removes a small dagger. Closes.
Another drawer he opens and removes a glass phallus, holding his careful expression he places both the dagger and phallus on the mahogany pointing in opposite directions. The blade towards the White suit. The phallus towards the Black dress.
He stands up, walks through the polished wood desk as though it were air. One pace, two pace, three, four. Another four and his nose would be at my snout.
~Fellow. You are on the path between SEVEN and EIGHT.
The path between FIVE and FOUR.
You don't need your beauty anymore.
His eyes were locked with mine, but his face hadn't moved. There may have even been a glow coming from inside his mouth... if he opened his lips.
The squares began to twist and turn under the White suit. The black and white spiraling in a pattern, as if it were a chore for them. Just as winding a spring is a chore, less force required at the beginning, then it gets tighter, and harder, and tighter.
The humans under the heels of the Black dress began to rise, speak unMadness to each other. The womans face was changing, her nose became larger, left eye just slightly lower than her other, her tits sagged just a little unevenly and the perfect lace became tattered.
"Know were I can score some x,y,z?" Dope, pussy, dough, a job, a good time, beer, friends... some water? All the risen were needing something, to do something, to get somewhere and make something out of themselves.
The man in the Grey suit still stared unblinkingly into my soul.
The White suit began to turn with the patterns beneath his feet, each rotation created another man in a special garment. First was a priest, a police officer, a good looking man in a suit and tie and a smile that could woo millions. Boy scout leaders, girl scout leaders, a pretty third grade teacher, and eventually mall security officers.
Still, we stood still speaking the language of silence, staring into each other's eyes.
The crowds were now intermingling. Each one latching to another, grabbing this, killing that, believing this and shunning that. The ones who spoke unMadness were beginning to speak Madness, following one of the chessboard people, building bridges to somewhere, making something of themselves in their Destined image.
Reality set in around us, Grey suit and I, now us.
Factories, green grass, stone, mountains, streams, computers, blogs, information rates, explanations of their birth into this cosmos.
The right side of our lips move up so slightly and our hearts melt for every single one of the animated ones, for reality, for the food and the worm.
Love is their work, worm and word. Love is a lie to us.
The smile spreads to the left side of our mouth and we turn around, eyes shared reveling in the mathematical chaos. Person(A) chasing Person(B) creating Chase(X). Nouns are dead. Verbs live forever. XXX
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hide It! and play the SHAME GAME
You should be ashamed of yourself. (WHAT? NATURE vs GRACE? HA)
LIVE ANONYMOUS. I'm sure I can make it real. I can empty my pain on the rest of the world, they don't want to think they took part in the original birth of this all, but we'll remember soon enough, and the good thing is, we'll remember we are all in this together as the lion snaps our neck with mercy.
OVERSTIMULATE YOURSELF! -- miss the subtleties
Notice the subtleties and they drive me to madness, maybe it's the eyes I see with.
INFERENCE IS DARK ENERGY.
5% of the universe is visible? Well then the 95% is what we INFER from that five percent.
It's DARK energy because that's what I see for some reason. It has been menacing for me. So menacing I've been AFRAID TO TALK or WRITE about it. Not fear of DEATH but fear of IRREVERSIBILITY, fear of an eternal TRAP. The EYE watching over me, GOD, the one I can't help but STARE at constantly. "The Mean Reds" -- I love the main character from Breakfast at Tiffany's, I relate to her mental processing.
But it's been too long, I'm getting tired of this HELL ON EARTH, might as well jump straight into the CELL, lock the door and hang myself with my intestines only to find myself waking up on groundhog's day again.
"IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE"
Well, good, then they shouldn't be able to understand a fucking thing I write. Which is FINE WITH ME. 1st Degree, 2nd Degree, INNER CIRCLE, TEMPLE, TEMPLE holy PLACE... Garden of Eden, the jeweled dance of eternity, the SELF IONIZATION OF WATER.
SO. I shall thrust myself in deeper. Go to India? Sit with the Dali Lama reincarnating OVER and OVER and OVER again telling the same FUCKS the same thing? Stand at the gate of eternity staring at the Bodhisattvas egging me on "Yea trust us ya slimebag we're not trying to selllllll you anything heeeehheeehehheeeee, it's FREEE"
Hide your deviations. Let them infect your insides, let the bastards say "UR DOIN' IT WRONG" -- "Hey square block doesn't go in circle hole!" -- WHO INVENTED THAT GAME ANYWAY, THE RULES, MAO MAO MAO place a card, is it right? PLACE A CARD.
Well, this works. So does the OTHER SIDE OF EULER'S IDENTITY. We don't need no STINKIN' APPLE PIE FROM SCRATCH we just need our IMAGINATION hahahahaha another UNIVERSE? No, the apple pie IS, but describing that tasty pastry is the tricks and quibbles and fun tink-tonks.
Say something like: "Meditation is pointless" -- the ones that frown get kicked in the balls. The ones that laugh are eating shit from the not-quite.
You think I know what I'm talking about? NO. I don't know ANYTHING, I'm not trying to say THIS is THAT. = equals = equals? Fuck you professor, sigma infinity infinity, and work your magic.
Making things happen.
LUST is important.
DESIRE is important.
Carve that bone from the clay elokim babys! Wrap it in flesh and CHASE IT LIKE A WILD ANIMAL.
ABSTINENCE, HUNGER, PAIN, DEATH OOoooh, don't talk about those~~~~ look on the BRIGHT side of lifedeathlifedeathlifedeath, and send a check to the hungry fucks (your human counterparts...), they can really use your fake.
I'll do IT. And I'll wait for your hungry mouth to eat me alive. If I am not lucky enough to gain the good death, then the wretched worried death I shall endure. Prometheus never had it easy. Burn the books with his fire.
Faggots Arete
Blogging 4 Lyfe
Research things you don't understand, take yourself closer to the center of the MANDALA... forever, not prestige, not money, not bitches. They're EASY like shooting dumb doves with a BB gun. CHASE SLAUGHTER CHASE RUN RUN, FASTER, NO ESCAPE. hahaha, and guess what... it's like the best dream you've ever had, just don't wake up and find yourself working at a POST OFFICE.
LIVE ANONYMOUS. I'm sure I can make it real. I can empty my pain on the rest of the world, they don't want to think they took part in the original birth of this all, but we'll remember soon enough, and the good thing is, we'll remember we are all in this together as the lion snaps our neck with mercy.
OVERSTIMULATE YOURSELF! -- miss the subtleties
Notice the subtleties and they drive me to madness, maybe it's the eyes I see with.
INFERENCE IS DARK ENERGY.
5% of the universe is visible? Well then the 95% is what we INFER from that five percent.
It's DARK energy because that's what I see for some reason. It has been menacing for me. So menacing I've been AFRAID TO TALK or WRITE about it. Not fear of DEATH but fear of IRREVERSIBILITY, fear of an eternal TRAP. The EYE watching over me, GOD, the one I can't help but STARE at constantly. "The Mean Reds" -- I love the main character from Breakfast at Tiffany's, I relate to her mental processing.
But it's been too long, I'm getting tired of this HELL ON EARTH, might as well jump straight into the CELL, lock the door and hang myself with my intestines only to find myself waking up on groundhog's day again.
"IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE"
Well, good, then they shouldn't be able to understand a fucking thing I write. Which is FINE WITH ME. 1st Degree, 2nd Degree, INNER CIRCLE, TEMPLE, TEMPLE holy PLACE... Garden of Eden, the jeweled dance of eternity, the SELF IONIZATION OF WATER.
SO. I shall thrust myself in deeper. Go to India? Sit with the Dali Lama reincarnating OVER and OVER and OVER again telling the same FUCKS the same thing? Stand at the gate of eternity staring at the Bodhisattvas egging me on "Yea trust us ya slimebag we're not trying to selllllll you anything heeeehheeehehheeeee, it's FREEE"
Hide your deviations. Let them infect your insides, let the bastards say "UR DOIN' IT WRONG" -- "Hey square block doesn't go in circle hole!" -- WHO INVENTED THAT GAME ANYWAY, THE RULES, MAO MAO MAO place a card, is it right? PLACE A CARD.
Well, this works. So does the OTHER SIDE OF EULER'S IDENTITY. We don't need no STINKIN' APPLE PIE FROM SCRATCH we just need our IMAGINATION hahahahaha another UNIVERSE? No, the apple pie IS, but describing that tasty pastry is the tricks and quibbles and fun tink-tonks.
Say something like: "Meditation is pointless" -- the ones that frown get kicked in the balls. The ones that laugh are eating shit from the not-quite.
You think I know what I'm talking about? NO. I don't know ANYTHING, I'm not trying to say THIS is THAT. = equals = equals? Fuck you professor, sigma infinity infinity, and work your magic.
Making things happen.
LUST is important.
DESIRE is important.
Carve that bone from the clay elokim babys! Wrap it in flesh and CHASE IT LIKE A WILD ANIMAL.
ABSTINENCE, HUNGER, PAIN, DEATH OOoooh, don't talk about those~~~~ look on the BRIGHT side of lifedeathlifedeathlifedeath, and send a check to the hungry fucks (your human counterparts...), they can really use your fake.
I'll do IT. And I'll wait for your hungry mouth to eat me alive. If I am not lucky enough to gain the good death, then the wretched worried death I shall endure. Prometheus never had it easy. Burn the books with his fire.
Faggots Arete
Blogging 4 Lyfe
Research things you don't understand, take yourself closer to the center of the MANDALA... forever, not prestige, not money, not bitches. They're EASY like shooting dumb doves with a BB gun. CHASE SLAUGHTER CHASE RUN RUN, FASTER, NO ESCAPE. hahaha, and guess what... it's like the best dream you've ever had, just don't wake up and find yourself working at a POST OFFICE.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Rant and Rave
I write like a bozo, because I am a bozo. I don't hold my own in the human world, I am a leech, or not really a leech, I'd prefer to be seen as a maggot eating something that's already dead... ~mere meat.
The things that I hold dear, the things that are important to me are the same as everyone else. Shit, food, cumming, body parts not hurting. I am not able to see myself as separate from the rest of the world, as do the people parts that follow the "Novus Ordo Seclorum" Seclorum... ages? More like seclusion, seperation, divide and conquer "strong" weak people, yes you're strong, you can stand up for yourself without help, you are alone, you need us, but not really, you're making your choices.
Peace found me for a split second last night.
For a single moment, the fear dropped and there I was with another human being. If I could of killed myself in that moment, I would have so I could let my life force dribble bubble into that little slice of the cosmic pie forever...
But no, it was fleeting, like a strobe light switching on for the first time, the AC voltage being directed though the diodes to the capacitors, them draining out slowly enough to "double" the voltage, finally twisting the spring in the main capacitor, getting it ready for another huge release of energy to arc the void, to jump it.
Nietzsche isn't a man, its a type of an electron with a property. The electron that's reaching so hard through the void, with the eyes of a tiger, the one burning "the new path" that was burned through the xenon thousands of cycles before. Splintering through the veil, the insulating nobility. Then the masses of scumbrain, buck-fuckers feel the safty of a road well traveled and it's the way to go, only to be brought to the height of the trinity of trinitys of etc etc to the very top of the pyramid of quantum energy states. Oh we're enlightend! we're here! for how long? Maybe a tick or so, a century or so, then it leaks away. Each person dropping to a lower energy state, but the flow from above is already charging that capacitor once again, getting it ready for another age of enlightenment, to cast a flash upon the rave of the alien bastards dancing to pedophilic techno, over and over again. Working for themselves always but always working for the rave, towards the grave, ground, falling. The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. The cigarette in the mouth keeps on burning.
The passion of the heart always yearning, she's on the screen now, knees to her face, and her panties over that plump cunt of soft, warm, flesh. Fleshy Gates to the other realm, connecting the dead with the living. My boney cheek rubs from anus to the Mound of Venus, my dog nose inhaling the vapours of the ancients. This one is part of the eternal tribe. I know. But I wake up again, she's on the screen. I have a hand full of half people, worthless meat things in a sea of protoplasm. I slurp this up to prevent the demons from getting to my half children.
Digesting them, the billions of half-lings swimming in the pool acid, mingling with the Sin-o-Men Toast Sugar Teat Dribble industry's anus breakfast. They make you work so they can shit in your stomach, NOT A BAD THING.
I suck the puss oozing from my teeth, and it fills my olfactories with signals telling the CIA, UPGRADE FACTORIES OL' FACTORIES ROTTING. So they start to try and find the one thing that will clear the shit away, to clean my dung stained rose glasses. FORGET! BE THANKFUL! I'll be thankful .sure. once the grass blades stop cutting, the factories stop leeching off SPACE ENERGY from the SUN. The MEXICANS and BLACKS aren't so lazy. Once ROBERTS #1 #2 #5 stop being ROBERTS and get with the BOB program. I'll be thankful when THANKSGIVING is called GENOCIDE. I'll be thankful when CUBICLES are called KENNELS. When FAT, SWEET, SALTY chip-chunk is called PEEPLE TREATS(Yum! They'll LOOOOOOOVE them!). When GOD is called &&&53nmnm_--xx(.
When people REALIZE GAGA is GENETIC CODE.
When I realize that I AM HELL.
When I get my dick in so deep, that it wont EVER COME OUT.
When I find MIND CONTROL and the CIA hiding in my ANUS.
AUTOSAVE FAIL'D
But to look on the bright side of all these ~wonderful TRUTHS~, that are so much more conducive to a productive life in the society of INFINITE MIND (no the universe is 13.7 BILLION EARTH YEARS old! Duh!)
I don't feel sorry for me.
I don't feel sorry for you.
It is DOING, and you will DO when it is TIME.
I am doing THIS, I am YELPING THAT. That's called INFINITE ENERGY OF HYPOCRISY.
HYPOCRISY is a LIE, guess what YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF HYPOCRISY.
I want to point out the big old shit WE'VE left on the VICTORIAN CARPET together and want to rub your NOSE in it and say "SEE. WE WORKED TOGETHER to make that, you couldn't have done it alone and well... I'VE BEEN EATING MY SHARE OF SHIT, now let's drop your little dress up game and get to the REAL FUCKING"
The DEVILS look like ANGELS to the hardworking, penance paying, lovers of say-do-not.
The DEVILS look like FRIENDS to the wobble bunk shit fucks able-cain oopsie-knife-sticks.
The DEVILS look like DEMONS to the PHATBOI alpha-dur dur gotta fiance with a PhD lawyer oh lawdy I gotta do and hold on hard or else, o worry worry brain-fucker laden po-pos.
And do the dumb mother fuckers who can't even know what, they're all of the above in some sorta geometrical shape that folds over itself like a future imaginer. (thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEMEMEMEMMEMEMEM)
Twist the dick in 6 dimensions find out you have a string of people.
Finance your folly with poison ivy and cock-swabble.
Finish the race BACKWARDS.
Destroy all and blow it out your ass in a poof to find a million truths, some shine like dirty diamonds and are worth 4389723 times as much.
Have CONFIDENCE in your ABILITY to drink the GREY smoothie, digest the white LIFET and condense DARK TURDS OF UNSPEAKABLE EVIL that are flushed to the underworld to produce ORTHOSZZZZKKKKKT'gagghaA! THE ELBASPEAKUN ONE. $$$ is GOOD. DISEMBOWLED NUNS, good FUCKING. TEDDY ROOSEVELT BEARS good PORNOGRAPHY. BANANA APPLESAUCE good MEALS for the elderly and weak. This kind of SHIT is CONSISTENT, "Would you like to buy our product protection plan?"... "Can I please help you find your demise in technology?"... "Do you believe in Magic?" ... "Can I have your daughter in the laptop room? ... Oh she's only 16 years OLD? HOLY SHIT I AM A FUCK UP, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING ATTRACTED TO HER SIR, PLEASE HAVE MY HEAD ON A PLATTER, CUT MY DICK OFF!"
"OH it's NORMAL? OH interesting, wow I read that 4 month old babies have been reported having orgasms! After what, sir?" -- "YOU SUCKED BABY WEE?!" -- "Sir, I'm going to have to take you to the bathroom and sodomize you, just to balance this equation."
Normalacy ~IS~ RIGHT... Normalacy ~is~ the OBJECTIVE RALLY-TEE.
FUCK "is" toss it to the road and have a semi-BMW run it over as it become another pavement person, word, brain, hair, blood, scraping off the skull of our lord and savior the ETERNAL dying one.
Play some CIA war game "Call of Duty"? Sure thing, you paid for it, it was your choice BITCH. Go study your CONTROL SYSTEMS. Eugenics, conditioning, RE-PROGRAM. RE-PROGRAM. Happiness is: Gambling, Ex-Sin, Adultery, Murder(aka WAR, CRUSADES), Purpose, Pride in your WORK, Coveting technology-boredom, substance use... etc you know how 666 and 777 work over a cup of coffee discussing your very life, laughing with their pinkies up and playing footsie. The end, enjoy your life FREE MAN.
The things that I hold dear, the things that are important to me are the same as everyone else. Shit, food, cumming, body parts not hurting. I am not able to see myself as separate from the rest of the world, as do the people parts that follow the "Novus Ordo Seclorum" Seclorum... ages? More like seclusion, seperation, divide and conquer "strong" weak people, yes you're strong, you can stand up for yourself without help, you are alone, you need us, but not really, you're making your choices.
Peace found me for a split second last night.
For a single moment, the fear dropped and there I was with another human being. If I could of killed myself in that moment, I would have so I could let my life force dribble bubble into that little slice of the cosmic pie forever...
But no, it was fleeting, like a strobe light switching on for the first time, the AC voltage being directed though the diodes to the capacitors, them draining out slowly enough to "double" the voltage, finally twisting the spring in the main capacitor, getting it ready for another huge release of energy to arc the void, to jump it.
Nietzsche isn't a man, its a type of an electron with a property. The electron that's reaching so hard through the void, with the eyes of a tiger, the one burning "the new path" that was burned through the xenon thousands of cycles before. Splintering through the veil, the insulating nobility. Then the masses of scumbrain, buck-fuckers feel the safty of a road well traveled and it's the way to go, only to be brought to the height of the trinity of trinitys of etc etc to the very top of the pyramid of quantum energy states. Oh we're enlightend! we're here! for how long? Maybe a tick or so, a century or so, then it leaks away. Each person dropping to a lower energy state, but the flow from above is already charging that capacitor once again, getting it ready for another age of enlightenment, to cast a flash upon the rave of the alien bastards dancing to pedophilic techno, over and over again. Working for themselves always but always working for the rave, towards the grave, ground, falling. The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. The cigarette in the mouth keeps on burning.
The passion of the heart always yearning, she's on the screen now, knees to her face, and her panties over that plump cunt of soft, warm, flesh. Fleshy Gates to the other realm, connecting the dead with the living. My boney cheek rubs from anus to the Mound of Venus, my dog nose inhaling the vapours of the ancients. This one is part of the eternal tribe. I know. But I wake up again, she's on the screen. I have a hand full of half people, worthless meat things in a sea of protoplasm. I slurp this up to prevent the demons from getting to my half children.
Digesting them, the billions of half-lings swimming in the pool acid, mingling with the Sin-o-Men Toast Sugar Teat Dribble industry's anus breakfast. They make you work so they can shit in your stomach, NOT A BAD THING.
I suck the puss oozing from my teeth, and it fills my olfactories with signals telling the CIA, UPGRADE FACTORIES OL' FACTORIES ROTTING. So they start to try and find the one thing that will clear the shit away, to clean my dung stained rose glasses. FORGET! BE THANKFUL! I'll be thankful .sure. once the grass blades stop cutting, the factories stop leeching off SPACE ENERGY from the SUN. The MEXICANS and BLACKS aren't so lazy. Once ROBERTS #1 #2 #5 stop being ROBERTS and get with the BOB program. I'll be thankful when THANKSGIVING is called GENOCIDE. I'll be thankful when CUBICLES are called KENNELS. When FAT, SWEET, SALTY chip-chunk is called PEEPLE TREATS(Yum! They'll LOOOOOOOVE them!). When GOD is called &&&53nmnm_--xx(.
When people REALIZE GAGA is GENETIC CODE.
When I realize that I AM HELL.
When I get my dick in so deep, that it wont EVER COME OUT.
When I find MIND CONTROL and the CIA hiding in my ANUS.
AUTOSAVE FAIL'D
But to look on the bright side of all these ~wonderful TRUTHS~, that are so much more conducive to a productive life in the society of INFINITE MIND (no the universe is 13.7 BILLION EARTH YEARS old! Duh!)
I don't feel sorry for me.
I don't feel sorry for you.
It is DOING, and you will DO when it is TIME.
I am doing THIS, I am YELPING THAT. That's called INFINITE ENERGY OF HYPOCRISY.
HYPOCRISY is a LIE, guess what YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF HYPOCRISY.
I want to point out the big old shit WE'VE left on the VICTORIAN CARPET together and want to rub your NOSE in it and say "SEE. WE WORKED TOGETHER to make that, you couldn't have done it alone and well... I'VE BEEN EATING MY SHARE OF SHIT, now let's drop your little dress up game and get to the REAL FUCKING"
The DEVILS look like ANGELS to the hardworking, penance paying, lovers of say-do-not.
The DEVILS look like FRIENDS to the wobble bunk shit fucks able-cain oopsie-knife-sticks.
The DEVILS look like DEMONS to the PHATBOI alpha-dur dur gotta fiance with a PhD lawyer oh lawdy I gotta do and hold on hard or else, o worry worry brain-fucker laden po-pos.
And do the dumb mother fuckers who can't even know what, they're all of the above in some sorta geometrical shape that folds over itself like a future imaginer. (thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEMEMEMEMMEMEMEM)
Twist the dick in 6 dimensions find out you have a string of people.
Finance your folly with poison ivy and cock-swabble.
Finish the race BACKWARDS.
Destroy all and blow it out your ass in a poof to find a million truths, some shine like dirty diamonds and are worth 4389723 times as much.
Have CONFIDENCE in your ABILITY to drink the GREY smoothie, digest the white LIFET and condense DARK TURDS OF UNSPEAKABLE EVIL that are flushed to the underworld to produce ORTHOSZZZZKKKKKT'gagghaA! THE ELBASPEAKUN ONE. $$$ is GOOD. DISEMBOWLED NUNS, good FUCKING. TEDDY ROOSEVELT BEARS good PORNOGRAPHY. BANANA APPLESAUCE good MEALS for the elderly and weak. This kind of SHIT is CONSISTENT, "Would you like to buy our product protection plan?"... "Can I please help you find your demise in technology?"... "Do you believe in Magic?" ... "Can I have your daughter in the laptop room? ... Oh she's only 16 years OLD? HOLY SHIT I AM A FUCK UP, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING ATTRACTED TO HER SIR, PLEASE HAVE MY HEAD ON A PLATTER, CUT MY DICK OFF!"
"OH it's NORMAL? OH interesting, wow I read that 4 month old babies have been reported having orgasms! After what, sir?" -- "YOU SUCKED BABY WEE?!" -- "Sir, I'm going to have to take you to the bathroom and sodomize you, just to balance this equation."
Normalacy ~IS~ RIGHT... Normalacy ~is~ the OBJECTIVE RALLY-TEE.
FUCK "is" toss it to the road and have a semi-BMW run it over as it become another pavement person, word, brain, hair, blood, scraping off the skull of our lord and savior the ETERNAL dying one.
Play some CIA war game "Call of Duty"? Sure thing, you paid for it, it was your choice BITCH. Go study your CONTROL SYSTEMS. Eugenics, conditioning, RE-PROGRAM. RE-PROGRAM. Happiness is: Gambling, Ex-Sin, Adultery, Murder(aka WAR, CRUSADES), Purpose, Pride in your WORK, Coveting technology-boredom, substance use... etc you know how 666 and 777 work over a cup of coffee discussing your very life, laughing with their pinkies up and playing footsie. The end, enjoy your life FREE MAN.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I need to time bind this!
When you forget you have a personal relationship to "God" or whatever you want call the intelligence. You really FORGET. It's weird to realize, and REMEMBER, because you REALLY REMEMBER. the memories align like planets in your mind, and you remember and you forget that you've forgotten or will ever forget again (if that's even possible! see...)
How interesting.
I wish that made more sense. I wish I could put a "cheat code" that could be read in case I forget again. Silly silly.
Singularity is here! it is near!
Feeling your life parts move around is weird after being dead for so long.
How interesting.
I wish that made more sense. I wish I could put a "cheat code" that could be read in case I forget again. Silly silly.
Singularity is here! it is near!
Feeling your life parts move around is weird after being dead for so long.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Using your browser history for self-analysis
I noticed my history had 544 items for today. I've decided to do a "live experiment" and use my blog for notes as I scroll up through my history. I hope to trace my thought pattern from throughout my day by studying the log of interaction between brain and browser.
It starts at 9:06AM with a check on my GMail, I investigate an instructable in which I hoped someone finally put together a device in which an expert finger tapper could be hooked into MIDI, but it was only Light Sensor Midi Gloves. Then a Facebook Friend request catches my attention and he friends me because I linked to a Alejandro Jodorowsky video explaining Tarot.
I take a 6 minute break, then it's working on my Blog post from earlier today, tuning the translation of that very video that triggered the facebook friend.
[Gmail]--Friend Req.-->[Facebook]--remembers video translation work-->[Blogger and various translation sites]
I then connect to OkCupid and do a match search, and think I recognize someone that I actually met when I had an account a few years ago. I can't really even remember her real name, only Internet name. Trips me out a little, her profile seemed a bit of a harmonic of the Beat poets life. Then back to Facebook, OkCupid and Blogger... rotating between all three, then I start trying to find a Jodorowski book to try and read in spanish, so I'm at a library site and booksellers sites. "La Danza de la Relidad" was my first pick, but no libraries had it in the valley, I might travel in meatspace tomorrow to try and track down one of his Tarot books in Spanish. I took a 43 minute break at 11:50.
From there I clicked one of my many toolbar bookmarks, a forum post asking for a direction for a project idea where I could program my windows to dance to whatever MP3 I am listening to at the time. No responses. Then I read a few sentences about D-Bus messaging, go back on facebook, look through someones photo album, try to download a python module for compiz (the window manager I use) but it turns out on further reading it wont do what I want, but I already sent an email to the guy asking for help (oops! acted too quickly...) 12:53PM
1:18PM
added a friend I met in Flagstaff on FB...
Reading about programming must've got me excited to hack something out, seeing that I did a google search for "audio file manipulation python"... then wrote a little poem for facebook:
~30minutes...
more research for Python audio hacking...
Then another ~30min break...
3:08PM:
Someone comments in broken english on my blog, so I respond as best as I could, they seemed pretty militant about whatever they had to say. I check out some more FB links, AIN23, the site mentions cut ups, which is what the program is being written for, I watch a couple youtube videos. One has a house cat licking and messing around with a dead mammal thing. Then I get a hair up my butt to try and find a cool Trigun video to post on FB, but I can't find any, but am reminded of Vash the Stampede's ol' saying "Peace and Love!".
I then look up Isaiah on wikipedia, because that prophet has been popping his lil' head up at me out of the old scriptures lately. Pretty interesting, I sort of want to read his whole dealio sometime. Ch. 34 is gnarly y profundemente!
I then go through a list of words I wanted to define in my physical notebook I have sitting in front of me from when I read "Overcoming the fear of death" months ago.
4:20 - 6:09pm I am on a walk in the preserves
the end of the day consisted of stuff... I'm bored now. I'm done.
It starts at 9:06AM with a check on my GMail, I investigate an instructable in which I hoped someone finally put together a device in which an expert finger tapper could be hooked into MIDI, but it was only Light Sensor Midi Gloves. Then a Facebook Friend request catches my attention and he friends me because I linked to a Alejandro Jodorowsky video explaining Tarot.
I take a 6 minute break, then it's working on my Blog post from earlier today, tuning the translation of that very video that triggered the facebook friend.
[Gmail]--Friend Req.-->[Facebook]--remembers video translation work-->[Blogger and various translation sites]
I then connect to OkCupid and do a match search, and think I recognize someone that I actually met when I had an account a few years ago. I can't really even remember her real name, only Internet name. Trips me out a little, her profile seemed a bit of a harmonic of the Beat poets life. Then back to Facebook, OkCupid and Blogger... rotating between all three, then I start trying to find a Jodorowski book to try and read in spanish, so I'm at a library site and booksellers sites. "La Danza de la Relidad" was my first pick, but no libraries had it in the valley, I might travel in meatspace tomorrow to try and track down one of his Tarot books in Spanish. I took a 43 minute break at 11:50.
From there I clicked one of my many toolbar bookmarks, a forum post asking for a direction for a project idea where I could program my windows to dance to whatever MP3 I am listening to at the time. No responses. Then I read a few sentences about D-Bus messaging, go back on facebook, look through someones photo album, try to download a python module for compiz (the window manager I use) but it turns out on further reading it wont do what I want, but I already sent an email to the guy asking for help (oops! acted too quickly...) 12:53PM
1:18PM
added a friend I met in Flagstaff on FB...
Reading about programming must've got me excited to hack something out, seeing that I did a google search for "audio file manipulation python"... then wrote a little poem for facebook:
"Venus to Mars, Earth is trine,
Love is the best anodyne " - O. Winfrey
~30minutes...
more research for Python audio hacking...
Then another ~30min break...
3:08PM:
Someone comments in broken english on my blog, so I respond as best as I could, they seemed pretty militant about whatever they had to say. I check out some more FB links, AIN23, the site mentions cut ups, which is what the program is being written for, I watch a couple youtube videos. One has a house cat licking and messing around with a dead mammal thing. Then I get a hair up my butt to try and find a cool Trigun video to post on FB, but I can't find any, but am reminded of Vash the Stampede's ol' saying "Peace and Love!".
I then look up Isaiah on wikipedia, because that prophet has been popping his lil' head up at me out of the old scriptures lately. Pretty interesting, I sort of want to read his whole dealio sometime. Ch. 34 is gnarly y profundemente!
I then go through a list of words I wanted to define in my physical notebook I have sitting in front of me from when I read "Overcoming the fear of death" months ago.
4:20 - 6:09pm I am on a walk in the preserves
the end of the day consisted of stuff... I'm bored now. I'm done.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Atheists
If you don't believe in God (or some equally dogmatic axioms for your existence)
and you're not attempting Ayn Rand's Atlantisian passion(or equivalent) or attempting to embrace General Symantics(or equivalent)
Then I really don't know what you're doing besides attempting to scoff at yourself through all eternity.
That just can't be healthy, have a good deep laugh and let's get to the fun part!
Or whatever, I'm just a child... A = A OR A != A
I'm going with both. AND.
and you're not attempting Ayn Rand's Atlantisian passion(or equivalent) or attempting to embrace General Symantics(or equivalent)
Then I really don't know what you're doing besides attempting to scoff at yourself through all eternity.
That just can't be healthy, have a good deep laugh and let's get to the fun part!
Or whatever, I'm just a child... A = A OR A != A
I'm going with both. AND.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Hi
Today I shipped off my defcon badge, sold it on ebay for ~56 dollars. I also went to bashas, got some cereal straws, pop tarts, whole milk and crispex.
I also ordered a new harddrive for about 55 dollars yesterday, a nice even trade for the badge.
Sorry about the long time feeling low yesterday, my grandmother gave me shit... she is so self-righteous that she doesn't even realize she is hurting her kin, and she is so dense she does not realize why her daughter/granddaughter don't even try and communicate with her anymore. I realize that she is basically drunk on her GABA, It's all based on old farts brain chemistry. But it's like you are at a party and some drunk guy comes up to you and starts giving you shit, alluding by requesting less government and more freedom that you (I don't know where she pulled this one lol) support hardcore child pornography, it's like bro, shut your mouth... I know you are drunk right now, but you are getting really annoying, I'm going to sock you!
So I did, I've socked my grandmother's brain with words (I like fucking with people's heads too much) just started talking non-sense, because thats all you can counter non-sense with... more non-sense.
She did make me think about what to do with my life, I guess it is time to pick some other goal to achieve. How about going to NAU and study forestry? Time to research that.
I also ordered a new harddrive for about 55 dollars yesterday, a nice even trade for the badge.
Sorry about the long time feeling low yesterday, my grandmother gave me shit... she is so self-righteous that she doesn't even realize she is hurting her kin, and she is so dense she does not realize why her daughter/granddaughter don't even try and communicate with her anymore. I realize that she is basically drunk on her GABA, It's all based on old farts brain chemistry. But it's like you are at a party and some drunk guy comes up to you and starts giving you shit, alluding by requesting less government and more freedom that you (I don't know where she pulled this one lol) support hardcore child pornography, it's like bro, shut your mouth... I know you are drunk right now, but you are getting really annoying, I'm going to sock you!
So I did, I've socked my grandmother's brain with words (I like fucking with people's heads too much) just started talking non-sense, because thats all you can counter non-sense with... more non-sense.
She did make me think about what to do with my life, I guess it is time to pick some other goal to achieve. How about going to NAU and study forestry? Time to research that.
Monday, September 15, 2008
at the minimum...
Yeah, I'm at the minimum of the sine wave again. I guess bipolar people have more of a squarewave shape to their mood, I guess as long as you realize its a waveform you can hope that you are at the bottom and the only way to go is up. The maximum is great, ultimate slack. If only other delusional people were nicer, if only I were nicer in an honest way... nicesty through lies is horrible, you destroy yourself.
The schools train people in deceit, it's disgusting. Our water supply is full of second hand antidepressants, it's horrible. Ideas change the world. I don't know what to do, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom always to tell the difference"
If I could cure the world with a joke, I would, I am a prankster, a joker. I wish I could give everyone the little bit of happiness I have called wonder. Everyone is so brainwashed, I don't know who I can talk to, "crazy" people make the most sense. The wackos, nutjobs, everyone who is looked down upon are the one's that see.
Hahahahahahahaha :) Who knows who is telling the truth, my personality isn't transparent, I've created it to protect myself, I HAD TO. IT'S WHAT I'VE LEARNED TO SURVIVE, TO EXIST WITHOUT BEING TORTURED. But now instead of outsiders torturing me, the balance of power has become internal. This is why PUNK ROCK, exists.
Crying tears and laughter live next door to each other on my wheel of emotion. My grandmother asks me "WHAT ARE YOU ON?" when I explain hastily the church of the subgenius. She thinks I do nothing, just leave me alone. I wish for people to leave me alone, I am not lonely, just alone, one is a feeling a state of your wheel of emotion. Alone is a state of physical being.
I witnissed a young man 'freak out' tonight, wasn't me, but I felt for him so much. I know the strain, the desires, the social awkwardness all these things feed dark wolves in our heads.
My grandmother has tempted me to sell all my things for money, use the money to travel around the country. My father won't approve of that activity. Everyone is such a hippocrit, I wish they would concern themselves WITH themselves, other than ME. HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YOURSELF. NOTHING ZERO.
1. Fact: some observer is experiencing this right now, I can't call the observer me, I can't call him by my legal name. He is something that has been constructed by a creator, stimulus if ... then statements.
That's all, anything else is a construct of something. Evolution, God, what the fuck ever. Doesn't matter... all that exsists is THIS MOMENT, anything else is an construct of the left hemisphere. Or will the left hemisphere say say the exact opposite, this is a left hemi. world we live in. People using the RIGHT to control the LEFT which DESTROYS us. Right as in emotions such as FEAR and LOVE. Fear of DEATH, the UNKNOWN which are one... LOVE for LIFE, SEX, MONEY, CHOCOLATE ahhhhhh YES.
Conculsion: My head sort of hurts, I am wearing a half-smirk on my face, and it's 12:05AM Tuesday, beautiful Tuesday.
"I've been there before, it's not very fun, between this and that isn't very fun"
Thursday, September 11, 2008
My back
Dear Blog,
My back hurts, I slept with an extra pillow and it destroyed my upper back. I went for a bike ride, broke the law, and enjoyed the clouds, rain and lightning. I've also been reading a few pages of slaughterhouse five between procrastinating. I've been thinking of starting a religion (I said that last post) but I really haven't been on a quest yet, so I believe that will be the first step, a quest, I don't have forever so I should really get on that.
ARGH, I don't know. This is so ridiculous, why do we have the machinery to torture ourselves? Why can we ask "WHY?"?! Where does that question lead us? To suicide? To God? To humanity? This is nuts. We can distract ourselves from that huge WHY, by figuring out HOWS and WHATS and WHENS, scheduling, dissecting, destroying, creating, meeting, loving, hating, warring... but that motherfucker is always going to be there when the dust settles and you are between this and that, the WHY comes up... WHY do the next thing.
For money?
To survive?
For sex? For love?
Is there a goal that needs to be completed? What's my part? How can I help? I want to know! BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW.
Maybe we are little gods and goddesses, and there are no answers, we can choose to buy into other's universes or we can create our own (that's where the desire to create a religion comes in) and by creating our own universe we can become the most powerful beings the WHYS are answered because WE WROTE THE ANSWERS in this little book here, we got to CHOOSE the answers, if you don't want to make answers up yourself, there are plenty of people doing that already... pick a philosophy! Or maybe pick two! or SEVEN, one for each day of the week.
I'm going to sleep now. Sleep at work, awake. Sleep at school, awake. Sleep while dying, now.
There he is with his shit eating grin, thinking he's got it all figured out... there was always a time, and always be a time because moments don't disappear, like something to nothing, they last an eternity, little folds of material...
...then my internet connection drops, I'm feeling much less crazy today. I pee'd this morning and saw how dehydrated I was. Being dehydrated can make you a little crazy.
My back hurts, I slept with an extra pillow and it destroyed my upper back. I went for a bike ride, broke the law, and enjoyed the clouds, rain and lightning. I've also been reading a few pages of slaughterhouse five between procrastinating. I've been thinking of starting a religion (I said that last post) but I really haven't been on a quest yet, so I believe that will be the first step, a quest, I don't have forever so I should really get on that.
ARGH, I don't know. This is so ridiculous, why do we have the machinery to torture ourselves? Why can we ask "WHY?"?! Where does that question lead us? To suicide? To God? To humanity? This is nuts. We can distract ourselves from that huge WHY, by figuring out HOWS and WHATS and WHENS, scheduling, dissecting, destroying, creating, meeting, loving, hating, warring... but that motherfucker is always going to be there when the dust settles and you are between this and that, the WHY comes up... WHY do the next thing.
For money?
To survive?
For sex? For love?
Is there a goal that needs to be completed? What's my part? How can I help? I want to know! BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW.
Maybe we are little gods and goddesses, and there are no answers, we can choose to buy into other's universes or we can create our own (that's where the desire to create a religion comes in) and by creating our own universe we can become the most powerful beings the WHYS are answered because WE WROTE THE ANSWERS in this little book here, we got to CHOOSE the answers, if you don't want to make answers up yourself, there are plenty of people doing that already... pick a philosophy! Or maybe pick two! or SEVEN, one for each day of the week.
I'm going to sleep now. Sleep at work, awake. Sleep at school, awake. Sleep while dying, now.
There he is with his shit eating grin, thinking he's got it all figured out... there was always a time, and always be a time because moments don't disappear, like something to nothing, they last an eternity, little folds of material...
...then my internet connection drops, I'm feeling much less crazy today. I pee'd this morning and saw how dehydrated I was. Being dehydrated can make you a little crazy.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
An Eternity at the Zoo
Haven't been doing much besides keeping the party going, making music on my gameboy, reading slaughterhouse five, spinning the antenna on my grandfather's roof.
Right now I am listening to the beginnings of a song I'm working on ... "An Eternity at the Zoo", I like it. It uses a scale like this: C5 D# A# C in an arpeggio for the bass line, the lead is done on the WAV channel, it's tight. I am planning on starting a religion, it will be good.
Thanks for playing (Click to hear the song)
Right now I am listening to the beginnings of a song I'm working on ... "An Eternity at the Zoo", I like it. It uses a scale like this: C5 D# A# C in an arpeggio for the bass line, the lead is done on the WAV channel, it's tight. I am planning on starting a religion, it will be good.
Thanks for playing (Click to hear the song)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Gameboys
Here are my babies, I bought the green/black one on ebay as non-working, got them today, cleaned up the cartridge contacts and the battery contacts and the PCBs, and ta-da! They work! The green one was harder to get working, as it involved getting a cartridge saturated with isopropyl alcohol and jamming it in and out a few times, but now it works consistently.The LSDJ-MC2 sold today for $184.50.
Now I am just waiting for my Weller soldering iron to get here, I would like to start working on some projects!!!
I also got "Six Easy Pieces" by Richard Feynman, I'll probably ram my way through that tomorrow and get packed up for DEFCON 16! Leaving Thursday for that.
I took my sis to school to get her a new bus pass, they are using RFID now!! This is so exciting, I want to hack it!11 Time to sell the magstripe writer and get some RFID equipment XD...
I'm also waiting on a memory card reader for smart media cards so I can load custom samples from my computer to my Korg ES-1, as well as some cheap ($1.18) red laser modules to hook up to that light chaser box... just imagine that running with lasers in a dusty/rainy environment, omgomgomg.
ARGH!! I want that soldering iron soooooo bad ;3; piri piri piri!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Just rambling, but oh yeah FUN rambling
Heck yea its SATURDAY!
I cut soldered and recorded the building of the rest of the light chaser thing this morning, then I danced around it to some CD I got at a rave I went to with my IT security professor, then after that I went to a burning man rebar bender party until like 9ish and it was pretty great, bought some sam adams and drank some of them and some margaritas and some cherry vodka and some other beer that was really good. My light chaser thing decided to die on me so I was like darn, until a guy showed up to the party with a really nice weller soldering iron, I was jealous, and I fixed it. Then we talked about atmel stuff and his monkey electric POV bike light mods 'n stuff. I met a lot of people. At the beginning of the party we were trying to figure out a way to power a pump, so we went to goodwill to find a power supply 12vdc at 2.5A, but there were none to be found UNTIL I found a computer at 1/2 price 19.99/2 = 10. We used the 10 dollar computers power supply for the pump, it was pretty fantastic and fun doing that. At first I used the 5 volt output and I was like shit... I forgot the yellow wire was 12 volts. But all ended well with the pump working, it was tiiiiiight.
I'm drinking a lot of water right now in order to hydrate myself before I go to sleep so I don't ever have to experience a hangover, ALRIGHT, this is GREAT.
I cut soldered and recorded the building of the rest of the light chaser thing this morning, then I danced around it to some CD I got at a rave I went to with my IT security professor, then after that I went to a burning man rebar bender party until like 9ish and it was pretty great, bought some sam adams and drank some of them and some margaritas and some cherry vodka and some other beer that was really good. My light chaser thing decided to die on me so I was like darn, until a guy showed up to the party with a really nice weller soldering iron, I was jealous, and I fixed it. Then we talked about atmel stuff and his monkey electric POV bike light mods 'n stuff. I met a lot of people. At the beginning of the party we were trying to figure out a way to power a pump, so we went to goodwill to find a power supply 12vdc at 2.5A, but there were none to be found UNTIL I found a computer at 1/2 price 19.99/2 = 10. We used the 10 dollar computers power supply for the pump, it was pretty fantastic and fun doing that. At first I used the 5 volt output and I was like shit... I forgot the yellow wire was 12 volts. But all ended well with the pump working, it was tiiiiiight.
I'm drinking a lot of water right now in order to hydrate myself before I go to sleep so I don't ever have to experience a hangover, ALRIGHT, this is GREAT.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Light Chaser
So I got my All electronics order today and got a lot of the light chaser project done (It's in the picture). The yellow wires go to 1/8" mono jacks. It's 'my own design' but it's pretty simple, just a 555 timer hooked to a 4017 decade counter with some resistors for the LEDs and a pot to control the rate, that was the hardest part, I tried a few different combinations of components until I thought of adding a ~1k resistor in series with the pot and making that R1, that make it sexy and awesome, I had 3 LEDs hooked up at one point to test the circuit.It also looks like I'll be playing on the 19th again, minds changed, plans were made... so... yay! Here's the lineup:
Coitus*
Yatagarasu*
Melted Cassettes*
Geiger Retort
NaK (me)
Ok Cool (couldn't find a myspace)
(*linked in previous post)
I also got my prophet64 cartridge in the mail, I think my C64 has the older crappier SID in it, I guess the newer ones got SIDs with better filters. I played around with that a little, but didn't get very far.
Tomorrow is another local burning man party (rebar bender), hopefully I can get my LED project thing done, or even work on it there.
Here's a link to my attempt at throat singing. I said I would post it!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Hot Bike Ride
I painted my LSDJ cart grey yesterday, but after I took the casing off the SRAM was cleared, thank goodness I had a backup, but ever since it's been pretty finicky, working then it will glitch up. I'm afraid to compose on it because I dont know if it will save or not. I wrote a really tight melody last night but lost it :(
Got another gret DMG in the mail today, also bought a couple broken ones (black and green), maybe I can fix them.
I bought a weller soldering iron on ebay today, the price was $.99 + 15 bucks shipping lol, yeahhh rigght :-P... must be hand delivered or something, pony express, but they usually go for $35 retail online, so I can't complain.
I've also been practicing throat/overtone singing. I might post a video on youtube, I'll link it tomorrow if I decide.
Speaking of youtube, I was watching this:
I really like the last thing and the vibrating dead bird. I thought it was so great when she said "If they were alive... I know that can't happen but..." haha! Great stuff.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Blah Blah
I uploaded a new song today, been sitting on it for a while... not too happy with it, probably work on it some more. Check it out here!
So I ordered parts for a 10 led chaser with 100 feet of wire and some parts to do the pro-sound mod on my gameboys.
I also decided to pickup one of those Saw III recorders, I'll probably start working on my super bend sound box soon, it will have the echo killer in it along with this Buddhist song player and the saw III recorder + some more random circuitry. It will be amazing :)
Days just sort of melt by without me doing much besides sitting around listening to music and making weird noises on my equipment... I think tomorrow should be a no computer day, or low computer usage, limit time.
I'm going to sign out for now, adios.
So I ordered parts for a 10 led chaser with 100 feet of wire and some parts to do the pro-sound mod on my gameboys.
I also decided to pickup one of those Saw III recorders, I'll probably start working on my super bend sound box soon, it will have the echo killer in it along with this Buddhist song player and the saw III recorder + some more random circuitry. It will be amazing :)
Days just sort of melt by without me doing much besides sitting around listening to music and making weird noises on my equipment... I think tomorrow should be a no computer day, or low computer usage, limit time.
I'm going to sign out for now, adios.
Planning things
Last night I checked out Zach's sister's place and hung out with Zach and Tim and the dogs, pretty cool, got to watch some Tim and Eric.
The August 19th show @ The trunk space, seems to be off, we'll hang in there :)
This morning I made a list of additional components needed for my burning man art project, but then I imagined how bulky this is going to get, I really need to figure out a good thing to do. The wiring will be the most expensive part of the project, I was thinking 10 feet of wire per LED, and there will be 20 LEDs, 200 feet of 2 conductor wire... then I was thinking of daisy chaining the ground between the units to use single conductor wire, 200 feet + ??? for ground. Sigh, I don't even know if this would be cool at BM, I have NO IDEA!
I also need to borrow/buy a p-touch machine to make labels for that LSDJ-MC2. It would be cool to get one of those old school ones.
Maybe I should drop the current project idea, and start from scratch, maybe do just 10 LEDs... so 100 feet of wire would be around 11 bucks. Originally I would have 2 sets of 10 LEDs chasing at different speeds in different directions and you could control the speed with a couple pots.
Well, I'll keep figuring things, and keep this blog updated.
The August 19th show @ The trunk space, seems to be off, we'll hang in there :)
This morning I made a list of additional components needed for my burning man art project, but then I imagined how bulky this is going to get, I really need to figure out a good thing to do. The wiring will be the most expensive part of the project, I was thinking 10 feet of wire per LED, and there will be 20 LEDs, 200 feet of 2 conductor wire... then I was thinking of daisy chaining the ground between the units to use single conductor wire, 200 feet + ??? for ground. Sigh, I don't even know if this would be cool at BM, I have NO IDEA!
I also need to borrow/buy a p-touch machine to make labels for that LSDJ-MC2. It would be cool to get one of those old school ones.
Maybe I should drop the current project idea, and start from scratch, maybe do just 10 LEDs... so 100 feet of wire would be around 11 bucks. Originally I would have 2 sets of 10 LEDs chasing at different speeds in different directions and you could control the speed with a couple pots.
Well, I'll keep figuring things, and keep this blog updated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)