Thursday, September 11, 2008

My back

Dear Blog,
My back hurts, I slept with an extra pillow and it destroyed my upper back. I went for a bike ride, broke the law, and enjoyed the clouds, rain and lightning. I've also been reading a few pages of slaughterhouse five between procrastinating. I've been thinking of starting a religion (I said that last post) but I really haven't been on a quest yet, so I believe that will be the first step, a quest, I don't have forever so I should really get on that.

ARGH, I don't know. This is so ridiculous, why do we have the machinery to torture ourselves? Why can we ask "WHY?"?! Where does that question lead us? To suicide? To God? To humanity? This is nuts. We can distract ourselves from that huge WHY, by figuring out HOWS and WHATS and WHENS, scheduling, dissecting, destroying, creating, meeting, loving, hating, warring... but that motherfucker is always going to be there when the dust settles and you are between this and that, the WHY comes up... WHY do the next thing.

For money?
To survive?
For sex? For love?

Is there a goal that needs to be completed? What's my part? How can I help? I want to know! BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW.

Maybe we are little gods and goddesses, and there are no answers, we can choose to buy into other's universes or we can create our own (that's where the desire to create a religion comes in) and by creating our own universe we can become the most powerful beings the WHYS are answered because WE WROTE THE ANSWERS in this little book here, we got to CHOOSE the answers, if you don't want to make answers up yourself, there are plenty of people doing that already... pick a philosophy! Or maybe pick two! or SEVEN, one for each day of the week.

I'm going to sleep now. Sleep at work, awake. Sleep at school, awake. Sleep while dying, now.

There he is with his shit eating grin, thinking he's got it all figured out... there was always a time, and always be a time because moments don't disappear, like something to nothing, they last an eternity, little folds of material...

...then my internet connection drops, I'm feeling much less crazy today. I pee'd this morning and saw how dehydrated I was. Being dehydrated can make you a little crazy.

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