Life seems like a very specific thing, this specificness disturbs the little monster in me that runs at every door it sees and tries to get through. Everywhere I look in lifedeath, samsara, I see adheration to specification. When you plant plant a fertile bean in soil of same ilk, water it, a bean plant will grow.
As humans our brains are so large, we produce behavior that appears to our consciousness to be complex, much less predictable (some of us more so than others) than our smaller brained animalia, and non-brained plant brothers.
Human lives executed like genetic code... if... then. All lifedeath.
If you get a degree, get a job, listen to the messages from "above" you will "grow" become part of lifedeath and thrive in samsara. And like the rest of the machine-organism-computer, you will be in a process of evolving, mutating through the sexual and natural selection processes.
I am not saying that all humans SHOULD get a degree, job, wife, house. I'm saying that is one [bio][logical] path in which I've seen human life THRIVE. Just like that little monster running at the doors, life just wants to thrive. There are folks thriving working at a post-office without a degree, on a farm without a wife...the Emperor of the United States (a homeless man in San Fransisco) is also thriving without any of these other conditions being met.
Although no two snowflakes are identical in the details, the basis of their formation is based on laws that bind us (and free us) in samsara. To attempt to break these laws will bring about suffering, try to fit the square peg in the round hole. In the game of Go, a game in which some say is a reflection of the cosmos in a microcosm, I've heard a master say "To the beginner there are many options, the rules say you can place a stone on any one of the 19x19 intersections, but to the expert there are but few options" -- to the ones who see how the game of lifedeath is played, there are few options.
I've been suffering because I've been fighting with the game itself instead of leveraging my knowledge of this cosmic game to my advantage, allowing MYSELF to be played out of angst and hopelessness. The part of me that wants to escape suffering by ending it all.
As I said, our brains are complex. Perhaps, our brains are the most complex object that our brains can find in the universe. To comprehend some thing more complex than our brains, with our brains _______________.
I search for purpose. I give more of myself to that little monster trying to get through the next door, to that alchemist attempting to pierce the veil, and it has it's price.
"To enjoy life. Happiness. Contentment."
We have the ability to feel, and attempt to move that feeling to another feeling human. The purpose of Art. One could say "The purpose of life is to feel, life is art." or in E-prime: "A purpose of life could be to feel, life can be seen as art."
-- Parts from notebook page found